This all started in August, well technically it all started when I was born but im talking about a specific incident with my most recent lover. Somebody I wont ever forget. Someone I wont move on from no matter how much I try.
In August of 2021 I, 18 female, reached out to someone, 20 male, I met in high school. Lets call him Ryan. Its important to note that he has high functioning autism. I told him I thought he was really cute and after that we hit it off really well. I warned him about my anxiety and trauma that ive experience and even that I need reassurance quite a bit and that im working on all of it. I even told him about the fact that I cant keep people in my life and im really insecure about that, and because of it I like to spend a lot of time with people that I love and care about. Like as much time as we can especially when we first get together so I can get to know you better. He said he was perfectly fine with all of that and reassured me that he wouldnt leave because of an argument we have.
I thought everything was going good, yes we would have those petty arguments over me wanting to see him and him getting upset because he was too tired, then me saying "Okay" and him taking that as me trying to convince him to come over. But New Years eve was a huge argument. We were over at his friends house playing games and he blurted out that he has "3 girlfriends that smoke weed" in front of everyone. I was absolutely shocked and in disbelief. He tried defending himself saying that it was just a meme from 2015 and I shouldn't worry but I kept my cool and waited until we left to say something. I told him that it really hurt me that he said that and I didn't like how he just kept laughing especially when nobody else was. I tried explaining why I was upset about the comment a couple different times because I know he has high functioning autism and I wanted it to get through to him but he just wasn't understanding which was making me more upset but I let it go even though he thought I was still upset. Eventually it all was dropped but about 3 weeks ago he decided to break things off with me because of an argument me and him had. I wanted him to hurry up and get over to my house so I could tell him I was pregnant. He didn't know this of course which is why I wanted to tell him. My hormones were everywhere and I took it too far by saying he wouldn't take this long for his friends (he was going on 30 minutes) which made him upset. He ended up breaking things off a day later and I was obviously upset. I miscarried a few days later and he still didn't know. I told his mom about a week ago and she told him. He has me blocked on everything and she hasn't been much help with telling me how hes reacted. Just that he needs to handle his emotions and that he needs time to process.
