All This Time

Chapter 29

"Can you just tell me one thing?"

"Hm?"

I stare at the ceiling now with dried tears around my eyes and down my cheeks.

"Why didn't you tell me? You and Sam were the two people I wouldn't have thought would keep something like that from me. Tony, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not surprised but you and Sam?"

I finally look at her and she looks full of guilt and hurt.

"Why?" I say now feeling the tears coming again. "Especially after Tony. You knew how much I loved Bucky."

Love.

I still love him.

"How could you not tell me he was out there? I mean—now it's been so long and I feel like I don't know what to do with this," I say motioning towards myself and the door as if to point at Bucky who isn't even in the room.

"I—" she cut herself off as if she couldn't think of anything good enough to justify it.

Because there's not.

"Jane, there is nothing I can say that could explain why. It's just as simple as me thinking it was the best thing for you at the time," she says now seeming emotional.

I inhale and look away, trying my best to not lash out at her.

"I know it was wrong of me to not tell you."

"Yeah, let me guess..Sam told you I found out right? Because from the look on your face when I showed up and I saw you—you didn't look shocked to see him."

"No. I just saw on the news that you guys were spotted chasing after those flag smashers somewhere."

"Hm."

"Jane I know you have no reason to believe or trust me but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I should've told you."

Yes, she should've.

"If you are going to believe anything though, believe this," she says as I feel her shift on the bed.

"Tony would want you to be happy," she says causing me to snap my head in her direction. She's sitting up now looking down at me smiling. Her nose was a pinkish color like she was running her hand over it multiple times.

"Don't let your worries and doubts get in the way of something great. Yes, he did something horrible and he lied but what he did to your parents wasn't his fault. I don't think he was wrong to leave. I do however hate how he went about it. Even so, Jane..."

She smiles even more now. It's a warm smile. A loving one.

"That man loves you. I can see it. He loves you about as much as Tony loved you."

Loved.

"About as much as I love you," she says with her eyes watering. "Believe me, Tony would want you to be happy no matter what or with who."

I choke out something of a laugh and a sob.

"Give it another go. What the worst that can happen?"

That's what I keep asking myself and I hate that I always seem to have an answer.

"Yeah," I say looking away now.

What's the worst thing?

~

I went to my room shortly after we both recovered from that emotional conversation and talked about lighthearted things until I admitted I was tired.

Before I walked into my room I couldn't help but take a peek at Bucky who was fast asleep on the couch in the living room. I wanted nothing more than to wake him up. Tell him I want to give this a try and take him with me to my room but again, this is one of the few times I've seen him so calm while sleeping. I don't want to ruin it.

I slip back into the guest room and lay down getting ready for bed.

I think, for the first time in a while, I fell asleep smiling. So much it took me a while to sleep. I'm just excited and happy. Excited to know where this will go once I've talked to him.

I think I've finally gotten what I wanted.

Finally.

~

I woke up to the birds chirping and the sun shining through the room.

I could smell bacon and I hear chatting from afar.

I got up and took a quick shower before getting dressed and walking out of the room.

By the time I head out I watched as Bucky and Pep were chatting at the table.

"Morning," Pepper says causing Bucky to turn and look at me now.

He simply smiles at me and my heart warms.

"Morning. Something smells good," I say inching closer into the kitchen to get a look.

"I made breakfast," Bucky says and I look at him surprised.

Then I remember how he cooked me food when we were here the first time. I wonder who taught him because this smells delicious.

"Well, with the help of Pep here," he says smiling back at her.

Pep?

I mean I know they weren't mad at each other or anything but they seem like good ol' buddies now to me.

How long have I been asleep?

"What time is it?" I ask them both.

"Eleven thirty."

Jesus, they must've been awake for a while.

"Where's Morgan?" I ask looking around.

"She's in her room playing. She finished eating about five minutes before you came here."

"Oh."

"Come on and eat. We left some for you," she tells me.

I thank them and grab a pancake, some bacon, and eggs.

Once I started eating I couldn't stop. It was really good. I should get him to teach me how to cook like this because I can barely serve myself cereal.

"So how long are you planning on staying?"

I look at Bucky who's looking at me as I'm about to take a bite from my eggs.

"Well..." I say looking at Bucky and back at Pepper before clearing my throat.

"I didn't tell you," I say looking at Bucky. "But I already bought us tickets for a flight tomorrow night."

They both looked shocked. Bucky being probably that I paid for his ticket again and Pepper I'm sure because I'm leaving so soon.

"Oh," they both say simultaneously.

"Yeah, I bought them late last night. Just so that we wouldn't have to struggle last minute. I was going to pick a later date to save money but they were all pretty much the same prices or more expensive up until next month."

They both just nodded and picked at their food.

"I'd love to be here for as long as I can but I have to go back and handle something."

"It's okay Jane," Pep says now with a smile. "Just don't forget about me like you tend to do."

"No. I won't."

Never again.

~

After we ate I cleaned the dishes this time and I watched Bucky go outside.

I didn't question it. I thought it would be an opportunity to go talk to him once I'm done.

I dried the plates and that's when Pepper started sparking up a random conversation. I didn't want to put a halt to it because I know how much it means to her and me of course that we talk more and spend more time together. Especially if I'm leaving tomorrow night.

I can wait a bit for Bucky.