My Killer Soulmate (Tronnor AU)

Chapter 9//Connor

Connor

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"Anything for you, Tro." I say after lightly pressing my lips into his hair that smells like sweet strawberries on a warm summer day. I feel myself drifting off to sleep despite knowing that sleeping in his bed with him is probably a bad decision. Even if this is innocently to help him sleep, it's going to lead to an awkward situation in the morning when we wake up. I let my body give in and just forget all the problems that this might cause and I drift off to sleep with my soul mate snuggled in my arms.

A bright light is shinning through the window of the bedroom when I wake up and I realize that I'm not in my own bed because the window is on the wrong side of the wall, the room smells wrong and I can feel someone curled into my chest. I'm in Troye's bed. Why am I in Troye's bed? I wiggle around and am relieved to find that I am wearing at least one article of clothing even if it is only boxers. Then the morning grogginess wears off and I remember coming into his room in the middle of the night because he was screaming my name and he practically begged me to stay in here with him. 

I can tell by his breathing patterns that he's awake so I slide out of his arms and he roles to the other side of the bed. He sits up and I try not to stare at his bare chest while he puts his head in his hands. Does he really feel that bad about asking me to stay? It was my decision. I did it because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. I care about him and I obviously helped him somehow seeing as neither of us woke up the whole rest of the night. He can't help that he has nightmares, the things he's done and that have happened to are the reason he has them. He shouldn't feel like he's being a nuisance on me. 

"Before you apologize." I say when I see him start taking a deep breath so he can give me another big speech about how he's sorry he's a fuck up. "I stayed because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. I want to help you, even though you don't think you need my help. I know you want me to stay away so that you don't get attached to me and then have do something bad to me."

He winces when I say 'do something bad to me.' and I can't help but wonder why he is reacting that way. Why does he look like he's in physical pain at the thought of me being hurt? What did he dream about last night that made him yell my name like that? If I hadn't know better I would have thought someone had broken in and he was calling for my help. He lies back down and turns away so that the smooth span of his back is facing me before he tells me something that somewhat surprises me.

"I watched you die at least seventeen times last night. All of them were at my own hand." he says and I can hear the tears of frustration in his voice. He doesn't want to be that man, he doesn't want to do that job. Suddenly he sits up turning towards me and looking down at me but he does it in a harsh sweeping move that frankly scares me. "I'm a monster, Connor, can't you see. If you hadn't shown me your wrist I would have not even given a second thought to killing you. You do realize that right? I'm a terrible excuse for a human being that know thirteen ways to kill you with just my bare hands yet you slept in the same bed as me. You trust me, when you know nothing about my past. You have no idea where I came from or where my family is. You shouldn't trust me, yet it's so clear that you do."

I honestly can't deny that on some level I do trust him, he did make Phan promise to not send people to 'finish his job.' I don't have time to say anything before Troye is hopping out of bed and getting dressed at the speed of light. I have no idea where he is going but I can see that he wants to get out of here and that he needs some alone time. I sit in his bed for several minutes after he leaves the room just thinking about the words he said. He calls himself a monster but its not like he chose this life. From what I have learned about Troye he seems like a great kind of person with good morals over all. Now I probably sound  crazy for saying that but it's true. He isn't a bad person he just happens to do bad things because he needs the money and can't get out of the job even if he tried.