Life Is Unfair

-life has always been unfair to Kazutora Hanemiya. One day he decides to end it.-

Contrary to what many believe life was an ugly thing. It rips at every part of you until there is nothing more to rip. And then it eats you alive. It suffocates whatever is left of you.

Life is ugly and that is what Kazutora Hanemiya believed with every bone in his body.

He'd been told for years to look on the bright side of things but he couldn't. He hadn't lived the same life other children had. He hadn't had the same loving parents other children had. He hadn't been shown the beauty of life, only the ugliness. He'd only been shown the ugliness that'd been hidden from the other children.

That ugliness shaped him to be who he is now. It shaped the untrustworthy, sharp, aware mind he now had.

Kazutora was smart. Not because he tried to be but because he had to. He had to survive in a painful version of the world far too young.

His version of life had been too painful to live through any longer. And so he didn't. He didn't wish to continue in this wretched version of the world. His only wish was to see the beauty in it like others had, but that wish had long ago vanished.

Before he took his life he needed to say goodbye.

There weren't many people left for him to say goodbye to. But there was one. That one person had made existing bearable.

Baji Keisuke

There was no proper way to say goodbye to Baji. Baji was the only thing that had kept Kazutora going for this long. The only reason why his death was prolonged until now.

But there was no reason to hold on now. There was no reason to hold on because there was nothing to hold onto anymore. Baji was gone from this bitter and cold world.

All that remained was his grave. And he wasn't allowed at the grave. Kazutora had nothing. Nothing keeping him here.

Still, he wanted to say goodbye to Baji. So he did the only thing he could think of. He wrote a letter.

Dear Baji,
I know you'll never read this. As I'm writing this your not even in this world. I'm glad. You've moved away from this cruel world and hopefully on to a better one. Soon I'll be leaving too, but I won't be following you though. You belong with the angels. I don't. I don't deserve the angels, and I certainly don't deserve you.

Baji Keisuke you are my world. Without you I have nothing. You are the reason my life has prolonged until now. It's the sad, undeniable truth. Without you I have no reason to stay here. So before I go I'm going to voice how much you mean to me.

You are my world. Every time I saw you my day would instantly be better. And you would really be the only thing making it better. In juvie, the days I'd get your letters would be the only ones even a hint of a smile would form at my face.

Once I got out of juvie I didn't expect you to actually choose me but you did. In a way at least. That day was the first time I'd truly smiled in two years. It wasn't my cynical smile, it was a sweet and genuine one. It felt foreign on my face.

In a way it's sad. A smile of all things felt foreign to me. But that's beside the point.

When you chose me it made me realize I'm not completely alone. There was still one person worth living for. One person worth trying to find the beauty in life for. That one person was you.

I want you to know how amazing you were. You were able to prolong a life. My life.

Do you realize how much of an amazing person you were? How absolutely perfect you were? There was no reason for you to die for someone like me. Someone who can't even see the beauty in life. Someone who doesn't even believe in the beauty of life.

You shouldn't have given up your life for someone like me. I should've been the one to die that day. But I should've realized it. You've always been so selfless and caring. There was no way you'd completely betray toman for me.

Yes you chose me in a way. But you didn't betray them. You tried to save me. That was your one mistake Baji. I'm not someone who can be saved.

I'm far past that stage. But I'm too broken to be fixed. Baji, you grew up in a beautiful home. I didn't. I can even admit it, that's how sad it is. Baji you tried to save me too late. And that's not your fault at all. It's the blatant truth.

The soul ripping truth. I was at a point in my life that made me unsalvageable. I still am but nobody is trying to save me now. Right now my mere existence is pathetic. I'm surviving off of convenience store hot noodles and those free samples they give out at stores.

I don't even have a roof over my head. My parents won't take me—understandably so. (Not like i want to be with them either way) I wouldn't even think of going to your mother for help. She should hate me. But truthfully she probably doesn't. Because you're like her. And you wouldn't hate me.

I didn't have any other friends besides you. And well, your gone. Valhalla doesn't exist anymore and I'm not going to toman for help.

Baji my life is so pathetic. I've lost you and see no point in living.

Baji you are my world. I love you.

-Sincerely,
Kazutora

Later he'd burned the letter. It was in hopes that maybe just maybe the letter would reach Baji. Wherever he was.

That same day Kazutora had picked up a gun and shot himself in the mouth. He'd bled to death that day.

Kazutora had never found the beauty in life like he'd wished. Sadly it wasn't something everyone got to live to see. It seems Kazutora was one of those people. Someone who didn't live to see the beauty that life had to give.

Life was truly unfair to Kazutora Hanemiya.