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HE GETS TIRED OF ME

HE GETS TIRED OF ME

"Let's just break up."

'Yan ang lagi kong sinasabi sa t'wing nag-aaway kami ni Kaleb, boyfriend ko.

Mahal ko siya. I know, sometimes my pride for him were too high but, I just can't help it.

Nagbabalikan rin naman kami agad. Kapag namimiss ko siya, magsosorry ako and then, he will accept me again with open arms. That's how much he loves me.

But again, we had a misunderstanding. Nakipaghiwalay ulit ako sa kaniya and knowing him, he'll just let me, respecting my decision even though he still want to hold on.

Alam kong nasaktan din siya pero masyado akong tuon sa nararamdaman ko para mapansin pa ang kaniya.

Pero napaisip ako. He's a man but I know how fragile and weak he is when it comes to me.

Hanggang sa hindi na naman ako nakatiis at binalak na makipagbalikan sa kaniya. Hindi ko naman kasi kayang wala siya sa'kin. I loved him since I was 13.

Humingi ulit ako ng tawad para sa mga nasabi ko, wanting us back again. I was so confident that he will forgive me again but what he said next broke me into pieces.

"Pag-iisipan ko muna."

I felt like my world just stopped. My heart are tearing apart as I cried, hot tears streaming down to my cheeks. God, I didn't know this could be that painful.

Pag-iisipan lang naman pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ako sobrang nasaktan. Siguro dahil hindi ako sanay na ganito ang sasabihin niya sa t'wing gugustuhin kong bumalik. Masyado akong nakampante na tatanggapin niya ulit ako.

Malamang napapagod na siya sa sistema namin kaya sumusuko na siya. I'm sobbing as negative things completely eating me.

Alam ko naman kung gaano niya ako kamahal kaya sinubukan ko ulit. Ayaw ko kasing tanggapin na pag-iisipan niya nang bumalik sa'kin. "Babawi ako."

Akala ko pwede na, akala ko okay na ulit. Pero mas lalo akong natigilan sa sunod niyang sinabi.

"Babawi ka... pero pag nasaktan ka ulit, aalis ka na naman."

As he was saying that, I can feel the pain on his words. Doon ako natauhan at maraming narealize.

Nasaktan ako pero mas nasaktan ko siya. How stupid I am not to think of him. I was so selfish, pride and toxic girlfriend and because of that, I lost the man that I love who didn't do anything but to love me faithfully.

✍️: @Janess | @janesscious