A FRIEND TO BURN

Till death do us apart.

"Till death do us apart!" she said that. She made it sound so believable that me, being an idiot myself, bought that piece of statement with my million dollar confidence and trust that such thing was even damn possible. Who would have thought that eventually it was just matter of time till YOU tore us apart.

Here I am sitting on my blue long-chaise sofa with my legs crossed as though cockroaches were crawling on the floor. I've been staring at the cream coloured note-book sized envelope for 15 minutes straight now. I think I might as well have seen a ghost, because my reaction looks like it.

It's not just ANY envelope – it's a wedding invitation. From her.

And I'm still in shock that she actually thought of sending me one, after how we left things, I was pretty sure she got the message that she was dead to me.

Mia and I were best friends since 6. When I first laid my eyes on her , she was a curly haired brunette wearing a yellow umbrella shaped dress with Powerpuff girls stickers all over her white shoes. I don't who started talking to whom first, but I sometimes get glimpsed of memories that it was her who started speaking to me first. We became best friends from primary school, getting punishments from our teachers for talking too much during lessons. They even had to segregate us to different classes, because we were well known for causing chaos whenever the both of us were together. She was my best friend.

Here is the thing, in every relationship you are in –you will always have turning points. These turning points are really important, and they're extremely, shockingly, painfully diverging. If you're driving your car at this corner, you better slow down and watch it, cause if you don't, you're going to crash into the pit. And die.

We were both 13, just walking from school like any other day. Our plan was to sleepover at her house so we could go to this Disney carnival the next morning. The whole point of our sleepover is to basically scream and jump the whole night with excitement cause that's just what we do. Until her mom has to come and literally drag and push us to bed. But that day, it was different. When we reached the front porch of the house it was unusually silent. It was this day we silently understood that we meant more to each other, though not bounded by blood, we were sisters by heart.

We didn't speak about it after that day. How her mother caught her father in their own bed at their own home, with his "friend from work". It's understood since then that she did not really had a good father figure in her life. I mean that's not her fault. But that does not justify what she did. To us.

She really did her best though, I got to give her that. She wanted to be somebody. She wanted more to life, but the problem was she wanted too much than what she bargained for.

Mia plays the piano beautifully. When I watch her play, I forget she's actually a person. It's like she becomes part of the song she plays, and without her there is no harmony in the music, she becomes part of that lovely rhythm, and no one enjoys it more than she does. I had that sudden tinge of an uncomfortable itch in my gut though. It feels like a drop of hot oil dripping on to your skin, when I first saw her receiving a standing ovation she got from the theater. Then her life was suddenly like a smooth journey directly leading to the destination she always wanted. Does she even know that I'm a struggling artist myself? I can't get anyone to buy my painting or my designs, but she gets to sell thousands worth of tickets in a matter of minutes?

To be fair though, I never told her about that day. And the following days when I felt as though each of her success has suddenly become another slap on my face. It was too agonizing to be happy for her when she was blossoming on day's sun and I was withering like a tree facing winter's day. She never knew how I felt. And I couldn't bring myself to tell her, cause then I'll have to admit that I am actually......never mind, keep that word to yourself, Luna.

Things were still bearable though, till one day when Mia and me were out for our weekly drinking session on a Friday night. It was supposed to be my night actually. Mia received a call from John Legend's agent, asking if she could be playing in his concert the following month when he's on tour. She was jumping as though gravity has lost all hopes to pull her feet and pin her to the ground. So over-mooned by her joy, while I just got another email from some cheap art gallery that sells street artists paint work that my art "wasn't' visual" enough.

Our night at the bar was supposed to cheer me up. I was wearing my blue knee length A-shaped strapless dress, my hair all waved with bouncy curls while Mia was wearing an ordinary white T-shirt and jeans with a leather jacket. We ordered seemly 30 shots of tequila and things seem to be normal for a while – just me and Mia, only the two of us with no labels or description of who's more successful or a loser in life. We were just two girls having fun. The next thing I know, she was dancing the night away, with everybody's eyes lingering on her moves. Maybe she didn't notice with all the attention she was getting, I was being pushed back with the crowd, because again, she's always the brighter star.

Mia ran after me that night when I stomped out of the bar. So she did remember she came with somebody. "What's wrong with you! Look I know things have been not favourable to you, but I'm trying my level best to be there for you, Luna. I can't keep trying to make you happy if you're not taking the effort to be HAPPY!" , Mia blurted.

Remember when I was talking about turning points? This was one of it, but in this turning point the turn is so sharp that the car didn't have the time to actually put brakes to stop falling, it just crashed speedly to the ground and BOOM! Sometimes I wonder if she had just kept her mouth shut after that, maybe we, maybe I would not have decided that our friendship was more of a bull taking a shit on our faces.

"LUNA PLEASE TALK TO ME! I feel like I've lost you for some time now. Look I know it's not easy to see me getting all these calls from all these people but I didn't ask for them! They're coming to me! I can't imagine how hard it is for you to stand with me and watch all of this, but it's hurting me each time you look more crushed and crushed and crushed whenever I tell you about all of this.....I wish I could give these all to you, you're my sister and I want you to be happy and I know you're struggling........but...but...ddont't push me AWAY!!!!," she says all these things and stopped to take a deep breath. She's been noticing me for a long time. Mia looks at me, her red-rimmed eyes pleading at me to say something.

I was actually astonished with the fact that she knew exactly what I was feeling. Oh for god's sake who am I kidding? We know each other since forever. And yet she still wants me to be in her life. Which is why on that night itself, I took all of my belongings without saying a word to her. Let her be on her own to feed herself her own success. I'm not going to stay and watch her run towards the top of the world with me holding the globe for her like a puppet. I'm not going to be her constant reminder that she had done so much in life while I'm just trying to draw a start line in the beginning of a race.

It was an unexpected tragedy that our relationship just broke like it was made of cheap cement. .When our friendship ended, it felt like I was releasing my breath after holding it for too long.

I got up from my sofa, I took the nauseated-looking yellow envelope with the stupid red invitation card in it. It read " You're cordially invited to the happiest day of Mr and Mrs...." Oh fuck this shit, I can't go in reading this anymore. I tore the card with every shred of strength I had into pieces and threw them out of my window. Since it's raining cats and dogs now, those pieces of shit won't stand a chance to even blurt out words from its surface.

I don't care if she wants me to be there. I don't care if she expects me to at least reply to this stupid message she's trying to sent – hopes for reconcilliation? Oh please!

Over my dead body if I'm ever seeing her face again. I can't seem to put out this rage inside of me, the heat within me is practically boiling my blood and I now think I should have just be born as a volcano so I could literally spill my hot raging lava to whatever it is that's just making me to loathe her more.

She said only death will do us apart. Sometime I wonder if it was my jealousy that caused this wreck, but then I shove that thought to the pit of the blackest hole of my mind and let it rot and die there.

Well, if I pretend she was dead then I've done myself a favour to spare us the pain. If this is how friendship is, god help me, I don't need it at all. I will be just fine by myself.