King.
Apples.
I open my eyes and see the rows of trees, hedged and bordered with apples sparkling. Mists surround me as I look around. I remember catching my breath, and now I exhale expecting pain but having none. I look around and the greenery makes me shiver. The sky is gorgeous, mist combining with the sun to create a constant constellation of color. I look around and feel like something is missing in my hands but...I know not what that could be.I walk towards the tree and sit down in its shade. A fallen apple looking delicious next to me. I pick it up and as my teeth sink into it, sadness penetrates me. I don't know why, but there is so much sadness even in this heaven I sit in. I look towards the coast and see the gentle ocean even through the mists. The green spans out across the land and I remember...a time where I would ride a horse as a boy. The smell of her as I mounted her the first time. The feel of her, the sounds she made, and feeling the power as she carried me through...somewhere. The mists of the island covered my mind as the land.
Nine women walk in the mists and their light chants reach me as I sit against the tree. They face the ocean and I could not make out what they said. I remember another set of 9 whose wickedness was rivaled only by the goodness I sensed from the 9 in front of me. The 9 turned and looked at me and I felt this pain in my chest that, just as quickly, abated. Gazing at them...their beauty wasn't breathtaking. It was natural and terrifying. Like gazing upon the true nature of a soul. They were beautiful almost as much as...
A face appears in my mind's eye and my lungs have to catch up with my mind. I see her and her softness makes me yearn to touch her face. My lips wanted to kiss her cheek, exist cheek to cheek with her one more second. Grasp the yearning feeling in my heart and give it . I knew she was gone and my heart pounded with fury. She was not mine and belonged to another but to touch her one last time... I felt the pang again in my chest and there was blood that stained the white shirt I was wearing. The blood-stained the shirt and all I felt was regret.
The sound of steel clashing and the cries of someone as the regret washed over me. Like the horse I rode, the regret was far away but deep inside my heart. I looked towards the 9 and they kept singing and I felt their comfort. Looking down again, the pain was gone but the blood was like a mark on my shirt. They were giving me a reminder. I wanted to go to them but I couldn't bring myself to move. What could I do but ask them for the truth? Yet I felt that all I would speak to would be lies, betrayals. Thinking those thoughts brought regret like a spear into my chest. These thoughts were not mine but the remnants of a battle, a past which was no longer mine. No one belongs to us, we must be grateful for what we are freely given. The worst is not only when we take, but also what we hold onto. When it has long been wanting, aching, needing to be free.
I felt my limbs wanting to battle but there was no enemy left. The only enemy was that I no longer could afford to dream. A dream of a good and just world. A world of true companions. A world of true love. I looked towards the nine who formed a circle and continued to chant. A circle... I remembered a circle. A shattered circle of people who I trusted with a dream. Friends? Enemies?
In truth, if a friend came to me would I not think of him, enemy? Even that silken face; could I bring myself to be consumed by that energy knowing...knowing that it would leave once again. Sadness, the only good thing about it was that something was learned from it. What did I learn? How hard is it to let go of a love that you yearn for so that it may blossom somewhere else? With someone else. That circle, those people, her...my sweet horse. They all only needed me for an instant. It feels like only an instant. Yet...without those moments what is this life? Even the scant recollections I have would mean nothing without those emotions.
Flights of fancy once tied to my mind that instead bypass it to my heart. I look down once again at the bloodstain and the pain of regret and guilt echoes in the invisible wound. I brace myself against the tree and pull myself up. My legs feel like they have been sleeping. These women know something and I will not let my heart betray itself to distrust. I will walk to them. I remember as a boy when I would walk, and then in the awkward transition to manhood, I walked somewhere. Nervous, unsure, not trusting yet pulled.
Like now, I desired to know, I needed to know what they knew. Whether I could do something or in this case, what they know. As I walked they broke their circle and stared at me. Their eyes are in my soul. Somehow I knew they did not know what I needed to know. Or rather - they had no desire to tell me. Yet the water beckoned to me.
Out towards the water I walked. I felt so young again, and I felt I could hear the whispers of a crowd, yet I turned and no one was there. I walked towards the beach and the rising and falling water. There was a collection of rocks that the water broke against. One is larger than the others. I sat there and gazed. A black boat in the distance seemed to be making its way to this island. A hand appeared from the wave and I leaped from the rock and waded into the water fast. I shouted to not give up, that I would help them. The water was warm and inviting, as the handheld itself....except not a hand....it was almost like a signpost. But the water was so deep. I felt the waves begin to overtake me but I would not yield.
I rose above the water and saw the hand and yet - there wasn't a hand anymore. It was the boat. It had reached me at an uncanny speed. I climbed inside coughing. I looked around for the hand in the water. I turned around. And there was a flash of light. I closed my eyes and looked again.
There wasn't a hand....it was a sword. And I felt my heartbeat percolate; a sweetness dance on my tongue. I felt my stomach gentle fall and tears in my eyes from the brightness. The hand held the sword and I reached for it. I grasped it and I was once again in love. I had forgotten who I was, but I know that would always be temporary. I looked towards the women again. They all were in a line gazing at me. I held the sword again like I had so many years before as a boy. The ache in my arm, the love that seeped from my heart when I grasped the handle. When I pulled it from the stone. I know who I am and what this world is and needs.
A King, once and future. Not to rule, not to conquer, but to exemplify. To honor a promise. For England, For the world, for the people...for I couldn't say her name...or any of them. They were gone. Betrayed, murdered by all who shared my blood and magic. I looked up again and the boat was moving of its own volition towards to sun and away from the mists.
Called upon again. This could be the lady or could be him. He once told me he aged backward. How old my friend will be now? The sword and its king have risen again. I remember it all. The battles, the triumphs, the love, and loss.
I died to wait to return...like a wart I would grow against and become...
Arthur
