"Andrew, why didn't you wait for me after class?" I closed the door of my locker and looked at him. His eyes widened. "Who did this?" I looked away. "What do you mean?" I was embarrassed that he would see it, but I knew that I couldn't hide from him forever. "Don't play dumb. You know exactly what I mean." I reached out for my face and touched the bruises on it. He had a worried expression on his face. I hated it when he was worried because of me. It somehow made me feel bad. "It was Elian. He said that I shouldn't go near him because I'm a poofter and he doesn't want to get infected. Which is a problem because my locker is next to his. But when I told him, he beat me up." Elliott grabbed my shoulder and looked me deep into the eyes. They were so pretty. They had the purest green I have ever seen. I felt my heart racing fast in my chest. Then the butterflies began to fly around in my stomach. Why couldn't I ignore them? "Why don't you defend yourself?" He sounded disappointed, yet it probably was just concern. I felt his hand, it was warm on the coldness of my skin. So many thoughts whirred around my head at that moment. I couldn't think straight anymore. In the truest sense of the word. He was all I could think about. His touch. My feelings for him. He made me feel so special and empty at the same time. But I couldn't tell him because we had been best friends since elementary school, and I didn't want to ruin anything for him or me. I risked another glance at him. His ash blond hair was tied to a bun. His noble face features were strained. I knew that he cared about me, like I was the only person that mattered to him. My skin prickled under his hand. I couldn't say anything. I just stood there not able to speak. His eyes imprinted my skin. They fascinated me. The softness, the warmth, the pureness. Everything. I felt myself blushing. "You know that I can't." He sighed. "That isn't true, Andrew! I know you can!" His grip got tighter around my shoulder. "You are such a strong person!" He paused for a few seconds. "If you can't, then I'm going to defend you." This surprised me. He wasn't really brave. I hugged him. My head laid on his chest. Which hove slightly under it. He laid his hands around my waist, and I could feel his gaze on me. The dull touch of his fingers made my heart race. I looked up. His eyes were full of love. I quickly looked away. I knew that the way I was feeling was wrong. I couldn't feel that way for my best friend. If he finds out he would be disgusted. He would leave me. I couldn't risk that. He meant too much to me. Loosing him would feel worse than the bruises. He bended down to my ear. He was so close. I could feel his breath on my neck. It was warm and slight. It made me shiver. I nearly kissed him, nearly told him that I was in love with him. Nearly. I closed my eyes and took deep, constant breaths. I heard him say something. I didn't understand him. His voice was so far away though he was right there. I concentrated on the way he breathed. The way he made me feel after all these years. I felt his touch and the warmth that was coming with it. I wanted to hold his hand and more. I knew that it wasn't likely to happen. He was the perfect boy, and all the girls were head over heels in love with him. The only reason why Elliott wasn't popular was because of me. I was the weird friend. Who always was around him. Who didn't seem to have an own live. I was dragging him down with me. I was so glad he chose me over them, but I still waited for the day when he would wake up, noticing that the others where more interesting. My heart broke when I thought of that. He was so important to me. I sight. He let go of me. At first, he just stared at me, then he smiled. His wonderful green eyes were so careless and happy. Every time I looked at them my heart raced like crazy. My eyes slight down. His nose. It seemed so noble. So well formed. Just another part of his face which was perfect. Further. I stared at his red lips. I wondered what they would feel like. How they would taste. I tried to ignore this thought, but it came over and over again. I wanted so much more than just this friendship. I wanted to feel him. To touch him. It made me feel so disgusted by myself. Why couldn't I be normal? I wished that I could turn my feelings off. So that I wouldn't think of him all the time. Yet every time I looked at Elliott my heart beat faster. Every time I heard his voice my knees became soft. Every time I saw his wonderful eyes my brain blacked out. I wanted to be with him so badly. But I was too scared that he might reject me. That we wouldn't be friends anymore. I should be happy with what I've got. "Andrew, I know that you don't like this plan, but it is the only chance we have." I snapped out of it. "What? What plan?" Elliott laughed. It was so adorable. "I just told you." I looked embarrassed away. "I didn't listen. Sorry." "It's alright. The plan was that I could act like I would befriend Elian. So that we would know his weak point and use it against him. Then he won't treat you like dirt anymore." I was to stun to speak. I didn't like the idea at all. Elliot probably saw my depressed facial expression. "It won't be for long. I promise." I couldn't hold it back any longer. I felt so scared. "What if you won't come back. What if you think that they are more interesting. Then you will leave me. And I will be alone. You can't leave me. Please!" He reached out for cheek and slowly stroked it. "Of course, I'll come back to you. You're my best friend, idiot." Tried to smile. But the word friend kept repeating in my head. I knew that he didn't do it on purpose. But it felt so bad. I wanted to tell him so badly. But I couldn't. "Please let me help you." My heart melted. "I-I just don't know how I should survive without you." He smiled. "I'll visit you after school every day till it's over. I promise." I kept my gaze on the ground. I saw his hand. Soft and pale. I took a deep breath. Should I, do it? Yes. There was no doubt about it. I grabbed it. I looked up to him. His eyes were widened, and he had blushed slightly. "I- uhm. A-Are you alright with it?" I smiled. "Yes. But I'm going to miss you." I put a strand of hair behind my ear. He scratched the back of his head. "Me too." He seemed to be embarrassed or was he uncomfortable? I let go of his hand and sighed. It had no use. No matter what I did, I couldn't change his feelings about me. "I think we should go to the nurse. She'll clean your wounds." The concern in his voice made me feel so comfortable. The truth was, that I already felt better only because he was by my side. But I nodded anyway. We began to walk. "Elliott, when will you put your plan into action?" "Today. After school. I'm going to ask him if he wants to hang out." "Oh." I tried to hide my disappointment. We had planned to meet up after school. "I don't have to if you're not fine with it." "No. It's alright." He smiled. "Great. I'm coming over after we met. I don't know how late it will get though." I kept my gaze on the ground. "It doesn't matter. You can sneak into my window." He laughed. "Okay. It's a date." I flushed. We arrived at the nurse's room. She already knew my name, because I came there nearly every day since Elian found out that I was gay. She looked worried. "Again? You really need to tell the person who does that to leave you alone." She was only four years older than us. She did an internship for half a year at our school. When I first saw her, I thought she was a student. Miss Stephenson, that was her name, looked way younger than nineteen. Her black hair was tied in a ponytail. I could see the slight disappointment in her brown eyes. I promised her yesterday that I would defend myself the next time. I wanted to tell her why I didn't do as promised, but she already noticed Elliott, who was standing behind me. She smiled at him. "You must be Elliott. Andrew told me much about you." Her voice was strong. I didn't know much about her. The only thing I knew was that she was a transgender woman. I have to admit, when I first saw her, I thought that she was born in the body of one. I looked over to Elliott, who had blushed because of embarrassment. "Hello." They stared at each other for a while. To be honest I felt a bit jealous. I sat down on a sickbed. I kept my eyes on him. His pale skin. The redness of his lips. His emerald, green eyes. His ash blond hair. My heart did a jump when he noticed that I was staring at him and smiled. I looked away. I was too embarrassed. Miss Stephenson, or Jamie, was sitting on a chair with little wheels under it. She rolled in front of me and blocked the view over to Elliott. Then she started to clean my wounds. It burned less than usual this time. I felt her touch. The calmness of her fingers. I looked at her. The darkness of her skin was really beautiful. So pure and elegant. I saw Elliott moving from my cantus. He looked around the room. That's when he spotted the plastic skeleton and walked over to it. He took its arm and looked at it. It moved a bit then it broke off. He made a shocked noise. Jamie turned around to see what he was doing. Elliot quickly stood before the skeleton so that she wouldn't see the missing arm. She turned around again and kept cleaning my wounds. I saw how Elliott tried to get the arm back on, but it wouldn't hold. I giggled a bit. He smiled at me foolishly. His eyes met mine. The butterflies started to fly again. "Alright. It's all done." Her voice tore me out of my thoughts. "Oh, ehm, thank you, Miss Stephenson." "Gosh, Andrew, how often do I have to tell you to call me Jamie." I looked down. "Sorry. Jamie." She smiled. "Now go. There are other students I have to help." She shewed us out of the room. Then she noticed that Elliott was holding the arm like a baby in his hands. "Wait. Give that to me." He looked down to his arms and seemed surprised that it was still there. He handed it over. "Sorry." "Not a problem. I can fix it." Jamie closed the door behind us. "You are such an idiot. How could you even break it off?" I couldn't hide my amusement any longer. "I don't know. I tried to shake it's hand and it just broke." He laughed a little. "When she turned around, I thought that would be it." I laughed too. I told Jamie everything about my feelings for him. How I wanted to be with him. I caught myself staring at him again. The way he looked at me. It made me notice that there was no chance of him loving me back. I knew it. He was like a drug. You know that it's bad for you, but you can't stop consuming it. No matter what you do. "Elliott? Is there someone, you like?" He looked away. We have never talked about this. Though we were friends since the third grade. My heart beat faster and faster. I don't know why, but I was nervous. Nervous that he would say a girl's name or a name at all which wasn't mine. "I don't know." He paused for a few seconds, considering. "Is there someone you like?" I began to scratch my arm. "Well yes, but he isn't gay." His eyes widened. "Oh my god. I thought Elian was just 'kidding' when he said that you were gay." I turned away. I've never outed myself in front of him. I thought he already knew it. I thought that he would have believed Elian and the rumours. "Do you have a problem with that?" "Why should I? It's not like it is your choice." He stepped closer to me. He was always so supportive. I couldn't help but blush. He hugged me from behind. I felt his stomach on my back. His chin on my shoulder. His arms around my neck. I closed my eyes and wished that this moment could last forever. The feeling he was giving me. The way he treated me. I loved him more than anything in this world. I only wished that he would feel the same way about me.
