Taste of Love - (Gal Gadot)

23

"you're anxious, i could sense it from a mile away. tell me, what's on your mind?"

i felt as though i was going to die, but i was breathing just fine, his heavy stare was seeking through me, looking through my empty soul, as there was no place for me to run and hide, sheltering myself from my vulnerability that was about to break through.

"i'm just.. tired." i responded back, convincing myself, it was all in my head, but my head was as empty as i felt, it was almost as if everything surrounding me was watching as i was melting, and there was nothing i could do to grasp myself and pull myself together.

"have you spoken to family since they left?"

"of course. especially, my brothers. i'm trying to build much more of a meaningful relationship with them." i answered back, a saddened smile was spread across my lips as i thought of them, my heart ached for them, and their hugs, and laughters, and now i had wondered if i was even going to see them any time soon.

"your parents leaving affected you greatly, i think a part of yourself tried to convince yourself that you didn't care, but you do care, sarah- very much so."

"they're just another state away, it's not a big deal, doc." i shrugged it off.

"and that, is the problem, sarah" he started off, getting up from his seat, as he placed his notepad on top of his desk. "you disregard of your emotions as if they are nothing, but they are something, value them, value yourself, it's alright to admit how you feel."

in that moment, i questioned why i even booked a therapy session for myself, but then i was swiftly taken back to long nights with anxiety causing me to stay up through the long hours of smoking my worries away. perhaps, i needed therapy, but i didn't want to go through with letting go of my walls.

"alright. my parents moving messed me up, i'm lost, and i don't know who to turn to, and the most familiar part of me isn't even there anymore. sure, they're a phone call away, they're a text message away, but things don't even feel the same anymore. right after they left, they sold the house, and my father purchased me an apartment on the other side of town- he told me, this was a fresh start for me too, but i've been crippled with panic and anxiety as to how to go on about this. i'm almost ashamed for feeling this way."

"have you been abandoned before?"

i was thrown off by that question, staying quiet, i didn't know what to say, so i allowed silence to speak for me.

"..haven't we all?" i responded back, a long moment later.

"of course, we all do eventually, but there's a fine line with being abandoned and having deep abandonment issues."

"what are you implying?" i started off, letting out a mock of a laugh as i rolled my eyes. "that i have issues because i have anxiety due to family leaving?"

"don't be so closed minded" he started off. "your anxiety is almost a coping mechanism trying to ensure you this feeling of vulnerability should be kept away entirely which is the reason why you said you're ashamed of how you feel. be more in touch with your emotions, sarah."

"i'm in touch- or else i wouldn't be here."

"yeah?" dr. clarke responded back with a chuckle, leaning back on his chair, as he stared at me with a fond smile. "this is a start, it's a start of change, and i'm proud of you for trying."

"start of what?"

"you went radio silent, it's like you vanished into thin air, and then one morning, i get a call from the receptionist telling me you booked an appointment, i was surprised to say the least."