It's okay not to be okay...

Suicide doesnt help

It's been 2 year now I was only 11, it's been hard life without you sucks, I'm now in suicidal therapy 3 days a week.... I feel so sad all the time all I want to do is die!!
Crying everyday because I wish you were here, it hurts me to know you will never see me again
I just want you to come back and save me from myself or make me laugh when I am down just Like you always did, when I was down you always tried to fix the problem. All I ever wanted was for you to come back but how does someone so perfect feel so down, that's what everyone says right, because she is so beautiful, she can't be in pain and she can't be hurting herself, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors!!! She was crying herself to sleep every night, carving pretty pictures into her skin till the day she hit her limits and she did it she killed herself.... What even hurts more was she was my only friend, her dad didn't know what to do his daughter commuted suicide because she was over everything
But no one even knew that was coming, she acted so happy she played that happy character so well she even started to believe it... All she ever wanted was to be saved!! I was the only person that she opened up to.... Her dad well he was abusing her every night he used to come to school with black eye and slit wrists and legs.....we had so many good times like we use to run away together, we used to wag school, we use to sneak out at night but all that ended pretty fast..... I can remember the first time she had cut herself she came to my house crying because she was so scared, she didn't know what to do, she showed me her cuts and I showed her mine we looked at each other we didn't know what to say! It was all so much because she was getting abuse, I was getting abused but we even couldn't get away from it because we got bullied at school she went home crying that day because someone bashed her up and the teachers did nothing, I used to get notes in my bag and desk telling me to "kill yourself "
Emily had lost her mum when she was very little because Emily and her mum were in a car crash so Emily grew up without a mum to help her
Well my mum live 8 hours away from where I lived and didn't get to see her much.... When Emily died i stopped going to school I started cutting my self even more until a girl called vicky came into my life she found me on a street crying in the gutter so she took me to her house and asked me if I was ok and were my home was I just sat there I was as white as a ghost I passed out In her arms then I woke up and I was in hospital!! I asked vicky why I was here and she told me that I am very sick I have a eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and the doctor came in and told me that I have to take all this medication. They were about to call my dad but i said no they asked why and I whispered in vicky a ear my dad abuses me and I cut myself up every night because her bashes me up saying I'm fat and ugly... Vicky turned to the doctor and said am I aloud to take her to my house after treatment and the doctor said yes after about 4 weeks in hospital I was getting better and they were aloud to discharge me and I went and stayed with vicky for a month and than it all started going down hill again because my dad found me and when I got to dads he was drunk as her started snaking into me and I had a split lip and black eyes with blood dripping down my face after her was passed out on his bed I snuck into the bathroom and cut my legs, waist, wrist and ribs there was blood every were I then got help from my mum and vicky vicky came and got me from dads an packed me a suitcase and told me to get in the car when we got to mums she was waiting outside for me, we are still going to court and vicky still lives with me and mum but I still get bullied and I still feel like no one cares my cuts are getting deeper and deeper...

I just want to say that you can talk to me because I will always be here for every one of you 💜❤️💙