TRANSformation | English

1

 "Mom, Dad?... I need to tell you something", I start saying, "This is gonna be hard... not only for myself also for you guys and for my brother. I thought about this a really long time and I would appreciate if you guys would listen to me before you say anything." My parents just silently nodded and I go on "So I never really felt like I belong in this body, like this voice is the real me or my name suits me. I am not Lynn I am Felix. I am not a girl, I am a boy and my pronouns aren't she/her they are either he/him or they/them. I would really love and appreciate it if you would respect my new, real me and start using the name Felix and the right pronouns. I know its gonna be hard and I won't be mad if you accidently misgender me." I smile through my whole speech but my parents faces got mad. ,,You're a boy?!" , My mom shouts, "unbelieveable... This generation is so messed up. You're a girl because you were born as one! Thats it, you can't just change your whole gender because you want to! Thats not how it works. Your born as a girl so you are one. Now stop that nonesense." My smile slowly fades and my dad just agrees to my mom "Please, I am not a girl. Being a girl feels so wrong why aren't you guys just believing me?..." I say while the first tear is running down my face. "Even if it would feel wrong its just a phase! You're 14 and in puberty its normal to feel like this! Its just a phase this is gonna end soon now stop bothering us with this shit." My dad respons. I feel my sadness becoming even more stronger and anger is slowly spreading inside my arms. "This is not a goddamn phase! I felt like this my whole life! I knew something is wrong! I was just to young to notice...why are you guys so fucking ignorant?!" I start shouting while more and more tears start runnig down my cheeks. "Who allowed you to shout at us and use these words? The only ignorant asshole here is you! Now go up in your room and finally leave us the fuck alone." Shouts my mom. I just run upstairs and see my 17 year old brother standing there. " You're a boy?..." He slowly asks. I am too scared to talk so I just nodd. "Thats awesome! By the way the name Felix suits you really well! I like it." He smiles. These words make me so happy I just start crying and hug him. I press out a silent thank you and hug him even thighter. My brother is slowly moving his arms back to the sides of his body and for a few seconds we just look at each other. I slightly smile and go a few steps and open a door which leads to my room.

Inside my room I just let myself fall onto the bed. I look at my alarm clock. 8.27 PM it says. I grab my notepad and a pen and start writing. Everytime something bad happened or I can't stop thinking about its etc I start writing it down. Either as a story, a poem or just how it happened. It's really helpful und calming for me because I have problems with my thoughts I just can't control them and they are speeding inside of my head with 100 mph. I really don't know if thats normal and I just can't handle it or if its because of something else I don't know but that really isn't important right now.

I stand up and start looking the mirror on my wardrobe. I am 5''4 and I have, sadly, long but curly brown hair. My eyes are a weird mixture between brown,green and yellow. My style is what you consider a tomboy, my parents would call it "too masculine for a young lady like me" but I don't really care about that. I am not even a lady.

That person starring at me in the mirror is a boy.

He may be born inside a girls body but he is and will forever be a boy.

A real man.