The Day Dreamer

Introduction

A/N; My writing is my soul and by reading it, I'm giving you my soul. So, please. Be kind. I'm trusting you. 

She grew up reading books. The characters were her friends. The lands were her home. You may have met this girl. She's quiet, she's shy, she monitors every word she says. She's the dreamer, the stargazer, the Shadowhunter, the wizard, the dauntless, the tribute, the reader.

A reader leads many lives, but all those lives end. The book always ends.

Once the book ends the reader must return to reality. To the harsh world, to the bullies, the dramas, the work, and the realization that it's not real. That magic doesn't exist. That they will never get their Hogwarts letter, that there are no demons to defeat, no governments to overthrow, and no magic.

She falls in love with the heroes, the side characters, and the villains. She cries when they die, and she jumps up when they succeed. She lives in a fantasy world, a world that is not her own.

Instead, she pretends. She pretends that she has a dagger strapped to her thigh, that she runs in dresses, that she could incapacitate any man with one move. She is an Ironteeth witch, an assassin, a sharpshooter, a dangerous beauty. She pretends that she lives a double life, one where she runs over rooftops, sets fires, and causes chaos. She lives in a world where there were no bullies, only her, an immortal, powerful being.

This is not true, of course. This is her imagination and it tends to run away with the fairies. She lives with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. She fights demons with Livvy and Ty. She jokes with Fred and George. She saves the world with Tris and Tobias. She wins the Hunger Games with Katniss and Peeta. She grieves with Hazel Grace. She keeps Ty company when everyone has left him, she stays with Ty because he understands how he feels.

She was once alone. The girls bullied her for being odd. The boys called her strange. That's when she started reading, then she met her real friends. She made many friends, but she will never forget the first ones. Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna. They were her first friends.

She did know one person, in real life. Her name was Layla. Layla was incredibly brave and strong, just like the characters in her books. Layla would stand up to the bullies, she made sure that our reader would never be hurt. That was when she was around. See, Layla had one flaw. She was sick. Very sick. She was dying. Layla was always in the hospital and it was rare that she was at school. Our reader would send cards and look after Layla's little brother, she did everything she could for Layla.

There was a single moment when our reader thought she had lost Layla, that she had lost her only friend and she cried. The children laughed at her, they thought she was weak. They had no idea why she was crying, only that she was. They pointed and called out mean names. Our reader sobbed more, she didn't know what she would do without Layla.

In that moment someone insulted Layla. Since Layla wasn't there to stand up for herself our reader did something nobody thought she could do. Something brave and strong, just like Layla.

She stood up and brushed away her tears.

"How dare you," she said quietly. "How dare you," she repeated, everyone could hear her now. "How dare you!" she screamed. Everyone was starring at our reader now. "How dare you say anything about Layla! You have no idea why I cry, you have no idea why I am on the floor, sobbing. You have no right to say these things. Layla is stronger and braver than all of you put together and she may not be here very long! So how dare you say such things about her! I do not care what you say about me, pick on me, tease me, bully me, but you never ever hurt Layla."

Layla lived. She lived happily ever after, and she deserved it. She deserved a normal life, full of love and joy.

Over the years our reader and Layla drifted apart, but they would always be friends, they would always have that rope connecting them because no one else understood what they went through. They still held each other's hand, even though now they are older. They would never lose each other.

As our reader grew up she became stronger. She made friends, she began high school. She excelled in academics and sport. Everyone knew her. All her teachers liked her. She became the kindest person you would meet. She was a friend to anyone who needed one. She was the ear that would listen to everyone's problems. She was the shoulder her friends would cry on. She was a safe place. The place where she made sure that no one ever had to go through what she had to go through.

But by helping all these people, she forgot herself. Almost like the abnegation. That was what people would call her. The mean ones. Abnegation. Instead of it being a compliment, for being selfless and kind, it was because they called her forgettable, dull, boring, grey. They said she tried too hard.

There was a good reason why she tried so hard. She was always trying to live up to the standards her book characters set. She wanted to be brave, kind, selfless, honest, and smart. She knew she would never be perfect, but she would be as good as she could be.

Whenever someone insulted her she pretended that it didn't matter, that she didn't care. But when she was alone, just before she went to bed, she thought about those insults. They hurt. They stung. They made her feel worthless.

Then she met Luca and Rachel. They were like the characters in her books. Kind, funny and most importantly, they were hers.

After she met Luca and Rachel everything was good. She didn't need to read to escape, because she didn't want to escape. She was happy.

Then a new student came. Natalie. One of the girls who had pointed and laughed at her when she cried. The girl who bullied her. The girl who made her feel alone. Who made her feel worthless and scared. She made her feel weak.

When Natalie was around everything came back. Layla in hospital, the days of solitude, the need to escape. Everything.

Our reader's solution to this was just to avoid her. She spent her time with Luca and Rachel.

Then something happened and it broke our reader's heart.

Luca decided to ask Natalie out on a date. The best friend and the tormentor. The person who had caused some of her darkest days.

Our reader had felt grief, she had felt alone, she had felt lost. She had felt all these things before, but she had never felt betrayal.

How do I know this story of betrayal? 

It's simple. 

It's me. 

I am the reader.