Today's story started with:
Ev: I WENT A WHOLE DAY NOT MESSAGING YOU
Now in order for this to work, you need to understand I get bored very easily. So normally Ri recieves a message every few minutes from me complaining of boredom
Ri: I was surprised.
I thought you died or even got hurt
Ev: We both know if I was dying or hurt I would come online and be like 'Ri I'm dying' or 'Ri I broke my leg'
Ri: True
'Ri there's and intruder in my house and they're pointing a gun at me telling me to put my phone down'
That would happen
Ev: It would
'Ri they keep trying to snatch my phone from me'
Ri: And there'd be me trying to decide whether to call non emergency or emergency
Ev: Yes
'RI THEY HAVE CHLOROFORM'
Ri: 'Hmmm Ev's not typing caps she must be fine, right?'
And thus is where the actual story begins
*About to be kidnapped
Ev: Hold on a second I need to complain about this to Ri
Kidnapper: Understandable
Ev: Ok I'm done now!
Ri: *casually calling the non emergency number
Non emergency (NE): Hello what's the reason for calling me?
Ri: My friend is about to die she's being kidnapped but I think she's fine
NE: Maybe you should have called the emergency number?
Ri: No no, I mentioned I think she's fine no need to bother them
NE: I'm going to send police officers, what's the address?
Ri: I don't know check discord pins somewhere
NE: Ok but we don't have all day so hurry
Ri: Hold on I'm scrolling down through all the images of useless things
I mean look at this can of spring water...
NE: I have people listening to annoying hold music while we do this, we can't have them suffering for too long
Ri: We're almost there just past a few more Groot's and we'll be there
NE: Just use the search bar
*Cue address that I cannot be bothered to think of a fake one*
Ri: I didn't think of that, anyways go send a racoon to her house or something to scout
She's probably just bored again
NE: So is she in danger or no?
Ri: Honestly if she is bored then I'm in danger. If she isn't then she is in danger because it's unnatural.
NE: So what am I meant to do then?
Ri: Send a raccoon scout, I did mention before
NE: I will get one of our highly trained raccoons then
Ri: No no it's ok the raccoon may be kidnapped too if there really is a danger
Just send one from my trashbin
NE: I shall move to the next person, goodbye!
Ri: NO COME BACK SHE'S DYING
NE: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DYING I THOUGHT IT WAS KIDNAPPING
Ri: THOSE KIDNAPPERS COULD BE ENTERTAINING HER
NE: .....
Ri: THAT MEANS IF SHE'S NOT BORED ANYMORE, SHE'S NOT EV. IT MEANS HER SOUL HAS DIED
OR IT MEANS THERE
IS AN INTRUDER
AN IMPOSTER!
NE: OK OK I WILL SEND SOMEONE
Ri: AN IMPASTA I TELL YA
YES YES HURRY
NE: *hangs up
Ri: *dials emergency
THERE'S AND IMPASTA IN THE BRAIN OF MY FRIEND
Emergency (E): Oh yes we have been alerted of the situation
We will do all we can
Ri: SEND THE FBI
FIND S RUBIKS CUBE IMMEDIATELY
E: *hangs up
Ri: GATHER THE ENTIRE ARMY OF THE US NATION AS WELL AS THE UK
*internally screaming
FINE I'LL DO IT MYSELF
*runs to Ev's house
Meanwhile with Ev
Ev: I'm bored
Kidnapper: Shut up
Ev: But I'm bored
Kidnapper: ShUt Up
Ev: BUT I AM BORED
Kidnapper: WhErE iS tHe DuCtApE
Ev: *casually wrapping ductape around hands
Kidnapper: *facepalm
Why did we take her again?
Ri: I'M HERE I GOT YOU
Kidnapper: Finally some fun
Ri: *throws a rubiks cube at Ev
Kidnapper: ...
Ri: MY WORK HERE IS DONE!
*poofs
Ev: *starts solving the rubiks cube
Kidnapper: I sWeAr If I wAsNt GeTtInG pAiD fOr ThIs
Ri: plot twist
I was the one who hired the those kidnappers. I thought it would be fun to put her in danger
Ev: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN
Cue the red lights
Start spraying smoke on the stage
Fire some fire at the audience
Everything goes black
Apart from that one guy who got set on fire
He bursts out into insane vocals
The hired orchestra turn to him in amazement
Lights come back on
And he vanishes
Whether from magic or being burnt is uncertain
Cleaning crew (CC): *find a seat full of ashes
Manager: wHy Do ThE tWo Of YoU kEeP sEtTiNg PeOpLe On FiRe
CC: What people? I only see ashes.
Meanwhile
Ev still in her house, hands tied up with ductape
Somehow solving a rubiks cube
With her pinky toes
Her earlobes being all flexible and doing up left down right
Kidnapper: *faints after seeing the sheer talent
Ev: *skipping out the room like nothing happened
The end
Credit scene rolls
