[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 42

apotelesma: the influence of the stars on human destiny

» kwan ara's pov // present »

i was at my mom's house, visiting her because it had been a really long time. the last time i had seen her was with jaemin. the memory warmed me. he helped me eat without making it a big deal. without looking at me differently.

the day had began with an innocent visit, but then my mom had asked, "why are you getting skinnier?" it was such a triggering phrase for me, and without jaemin there, i couldn't take it. my mom finally acknowledged my struggle to eat, but it wasn't acknowledging my eating disorder and it wasn't enough.

"because i have an eating disorder, mom!" i spit out.

"you...eating disorder?" she said the words slowly, as if the thought had never occurred to her. "that's not possible." the world went red with anger.

"what do you freaking know about possible? you were never there for me! even when you knew i was anorexic as well and refused to admit it! do you know how hard it's been for me?" i screamed.

she threw her hands up for me to shut up. "do you know how hard it's been for me? you never truly appreciated what i did to raise you. i cleaned this house at midnight, AFTER i worked from six in the morning to midnight. i sacrificed everything to keep you well-fed and warm and alive! i worked extra hours to shower you with gifts. i didn't have the time to notice, so never accuse me of that again!" my mom broke down.

it was only then that i realized how much she had done for me. how could i ask for her attention as a kid when she was so busy keeping the both of us alive?

"i'm sorry," i whispered. "i'm sorry, mom." i sat down, and she slid down to the floor beside me. giving me a hug, i said, "we don't need dad. we have each other."

——

» lee taeyong's pov // present »

i sat outside my office, on a bench, smoking. one by one, i had lost all my friends, i thought. ara was all i have left now.

hm. i better treat her good.

i drove to the flower shop around the corner. perfect.

——

i was trying to spend more time with ara so i came home early with roses in my hand to surprise her.

i walked in on her sitting at the dining table, stiff as cardboard. she flinched when she saw me, and her exhausted eyes met mine. there couldn't have been a better time to shower her with attention, right?

"hey, babe," i said, and gave her a kiss on the lips before setting down all my work stuff. she stood in surprise, and i smiled at her reaction. she was too cute.

"you smell like cigarettes," she muttered. i leaned in to give her another kiss, but she turned her head and i ended up kissing her cheek.

"oops," she said drily. huh. she must've been having a bad day.

"let's watch a movie, okay, babe?" i asked, ignoring her rudeness. i would let it slide today.

ara looked up at me with bitterness and anger. "no."

"what?" i couldn't understand.

"no," she repeated, walking away.

i froze. after a second, it passed, but ara was already in her room, locking the door. i angrily grabbed the roses and ripped them apart, ignoring the blood dripping from my fingers and sharp pain from the thorns.

she was just having a bad day. yeah.

——

» kwan ara's pov // present »

jaemin was happy again. jaemin and i had talked, and we worked our opinions out. miyeon also met up with us to explain everything, from her perspective, and i finally understood. i couldn't forgive jaemin until i saw for myself how miyeon felt about the situation, so i asked jaemin to go for a walk around the neighborhood.

"so." i clasped my hands together. "how do you really feel about jaemin? he's your abuser, yeah?"

"yeah," she admitted. "i'm not gonna sugarcoat it. he hit me and that's final. but what can i say? i still love him. he claims he doesn't love you anymore"–i flinched at her bluntness–"so i'm going to live my life to the fullest and date him. trust me, i know better than to let him hurt me again, mentally or physically."

i forced a smile out. "well then, i'm happy for you."

miyeon knew me too well. "please," she whispered, "please let me have him, even if his heart still belongs to you. i can't ever have anything and all i truly want is him. please don't be mad, but if it truly hurts you, i'll break up with him. you know that you come first."

i hugged her. "miyeon, i want you to be happy. so let's be a happy trio, okay?"

she beamed with happiness. "yes."

——

now that we all understood where we stood, we were the happiest three out there. i forgot about taeyong, and when i did see him, he was sweet. life was good. and currently, i was at an NCT concert with jaemin and miyeon.

we all screamed when johnny started doing his pole dancing. we screamed even louder when 127 performed 'love on the floor'.

my bias was jaehyun, miyeon's was yangyang, and jaemin's was jeno. and we got everything that we ever needed at this concert. by the end of the night, the adrenaline rush was wearing off, and we crashed at a hotel with giddiness and memories of very hot asian men seared into our brains. life was good.

——

» kwan ara's pov // present »

"look what i bought, babe," taeyong said.

"mm?" i replied, not really interested.

he showed me two slips of papers, and i dropped the coffee i was drinking.

taeyong had bought us plane tickets to go to the united states for a few months. i couldn't help it. i yelled at him.

"are you crazy? you think i would go to some other fucking continent with you?"

he tensed his jaw, but otherwise, acted like a decent human being. "sorry. i'll refund them."

that was the last decent conversation i'd have with him for a while.