By the Sea

*authors note*
This is not related to Back to You and this Karan/ Teja are different from our real life ones. This is based on an idea I had when watching the mv but it isn't completely based on the mv.

PS this is full of angst so if you don't like that please don't read.

—start—

March 3, 2022

It's been five years since you left me and today I'm standing in the same place where I last saw you. Five years of me just existing but not living. I go through the same motions everyday but nothing has any meaning. If I had known eight years ago that this is where I would end up, I might have avoided you. My life was dull before but I would've preferred it stayed that way. You brought color into my life and now I'm forced to live in black and white with memories of what color felt like.

Its unfair that you gave up yet I'm the one struggling.
The same guy that you said had the most infectious smile has to push himself to get up each day. You left me so shattered and I should hate you for that. It's funny how you've made me drink each night just to force myself to sleep otherwise I would stay up all night with your memories. I know you won't be happy about this if you knew but you can't judge the way I cope with your absence. I would drink to forget you but in the end I forget everything but you.

You're stuck in my mind and no matter what I do, I can't stop the memories playing in my mind. Every day I think maybe the want for you will lessen but day after day I miss you just the same. They say time heals all wounds so why won't this wound heal. I've tried covering this wound up but you're an infection that's spread through my body that I don't know how to get rid of.

All you've left me with is your memories. I sit there and watch old videos of us just trying to relive those moments with you. Some days I find myself forgetting what your laugh sounds like and I panic. Those days I sit there and rewatch every memory we had to make sure I don't forget anything. My friends, the few left, want me to move on. But how do I move on when I'm sure there's nothing of me left to give anyone else.

They've tried to send me on dates but it doesn't work. I sit there comparing them to you and they always fall short. You're never coming back yet here I am still pining over you. I told you early on when we met that you have this unfair control over me and that still rings true. You're not even here yet you still dictate my life.

I think even if I wanted to move on, you were my person and I'm never going to find that again. When I know how complete you've made me feel, why would I want to be with someone who doesn't even make me feel half of that. My friends finally stopped trying to introduce me to new people last year. They've never understood that I'm happiest just living with your memories.

On this date though, the loneliness really hits and your memories aren't enough. I usually make sure my responsibilities are handled and then I drink until I pass out but for some reason I find myself here today instead. The same spot by the sea that holds so many of our memories, good and bad. I've avoided all beaches because they remind me too much of you. You were what everyone called a water baby and it was so evident in the way you came alive by the water. You would laugh harder, your smile would get brighter, you would hold me tighter. This was your home and maybe that's why I couldn't come back. It felt too weird to be in your home without you.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm here but I think I just needed to be close to this piece of you. I sit down on the edge of the shoreline and let the water hit my legs. I close my eyes and just feel so at peace. I can practically see the first time we came here.

April 25, 2015

"Karan! Pull over," she yells out pulling me from our comfortable silence.