The phone therapy session between Andy Herrera and Diane Lewis
"That you now have a reliable support system in your life is great news, Andy! I'm so happy for you, and I've noticed that you seem happier. Has Sullivan met them?"
"ONCE, briefly. COVID had just started and they came through to the station for testing. We fought about THAT too: as he was meeting them I kind of interrupted,
which convinced him that I was ashamed of his demotion. I said NO but the truth is I was a little...I wanted them to get to know him before the reason for the discipline
came up. Anyway: my Uncle, Aunt, and First Cousin have helped me realize some things; they've also provided me background on my mom that I was unaware of. I'm...
unsure of so much: what I am sure of is that I love Robert with all that I am and that I'd be lost without him. I AM LOST without him."
During the current session Andrea recited a passage from the homework Diane provided her from their previous session: 'An important element of surviving trauma is looking
for whatever good came out of it. Though difficult, looking for the good in a bad situation means the experience wasn't wasted. When you know how to get past trauma, you take
back your power and know you can rely on your own strength'.
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"And what did you take from that?" Diane asked pen poised to jot notes.
"As far as my MOM...I understand now that her reasons for leaving were rooted in bipolar disorder and postpartum depression, and that she didn't simply take off to be free
of us. Not having her around allowed to me take on some of my Dad's better qualities: simply I'm driven. I'm laser-focused on what I want and how to get there. I've lived life
fully-not always WELL: but FULLY."
"And...sorry for this: Tanner's death?"
"I realize that life is so fleeting...at a much deeper level. That there are so few safe places and that most of us get the one, if we're fortunate...which I went to on to irreparably FUCK UP...probably irreparably."
"You mentioned that your uncles and cousin helped you to some realizations: about your mother AND your father?"
"Yes. My...dad lied to me for over twenty years. We held a funeral for my mother. He did say that she was sick, only not that her sickness was mental and that the two were afraid that she'd hurt me or possibly ALL OF US in a manic state unless she went away. I get why he said nothing when I was nine...but when I was TWENTY? Twenty-five? It explains a lot, I only wid=sh he'd said something before he died."
"Good...I'm earning my pay! Andy...let's switch to you and Sullivan: what do you hope to achieve through couples therapy?"
"For us to work together to make each other better-build and support each other...BELIEVE each other and BELIEVE IN in each other. To one another's peace, not their problem.For him to fall in love with me again. I LOVE HIM. Living without him permanently...I can't even imagine it."
"Do you doubt that Sullivan is in love with you?"
"There are rumors that he's ...moved on...I can't blame him if that's true. Not after what I've done: I would have fallen out of love with me," Andy said sadly.
Diane smiled then said "Your homework for tonight is to erase completely all 'self-sympathy-no replaying your mistakes. And call your husband."
"I'm-I'm scared," Andy whispered. In response to the therapist's raised eyebrows, she added "That he won't take my call."
"My telling you that he is in love with you as much as he ever did would not be violating privilege-he's said so to multiple people outside of this office."
"Thank you, Diane", her patient says sincerely. "Thank you so much."
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S19-THE GHOSTS THAT HAUNT US
FanfictionAndy Herrera's therapy sessions with Diane Lewis combined with her reunion with her mother and extended famly sparks an epihany for her. She realizes her mistreatment of her husband, the petition for divorce and other ill-fated actions (one in part...
