Death chooses a person's loved one

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A beautiful memory that is fading away.
It was 2 in the morning, sleeping had been getting harder, tonight was one of those nights were I would not be able to even get a second of sleep. It was probably the reason that Lio’s death anniversary was today. I stared at the big picture I had hung up 7 years ago with him.

I had flipped it so that I wouldn’t have to see the picture of us, probably because I still haven’t moved on. I don’t think I ever will.

I sighed, stood up and walked over to the flipped picture i then flipped the picture so it was in full view.
    I kept staring at his beautiful face, he was indeed a really gorgeous person. My heart felt heavier by every second of seeing him. I missed him, I missed him badly. If I only could go back in time I would.

I would do anything for him to be here. Tears were building up inside my eyes.
I dropped my gaze down and returned back to my bed, I sat down before taking up a pillow to hold.
   After his death, life have gotten harder, the will for living has vanished completely from my body. Getting out from bed everyday was getting hard, going to bed was even harder. Attending his funeral was the hardest part, that day was a nightmare.
   I took my phone from the night stand and called him. Hid voice mail answered. “Hello, it’s Lio, please leave a voice mail after the bleep because I can’t speak now, have a nice day”, his voice was the prettiest thing to hear, my soul felt heavier after hearing his voice after 5 years now. It was short but could make up for all those years where I haven't heard his voice.
  I tried my best to not look at his pictures or even think of him but that obviously didn't work. I haven’t been able to express my feelings for anyone in these years since he left. I can’t speak to anyone. Of course I have my friends but Lio was special. He was a comfort, he was a beautiful soul who got taken away from this earth to early. I was scared since all the memories of him I had, have started to vanish slowly away from my mind.
   I decided to send a voice mail to him after hearing the bleep. “Hey Lio, it’s Kia, I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in years probably because I didn’t want to hurt my feelings more than they were, I’m so sorry”, my voice was lower than usual now, tears were escaping my eyes.
   I bite my lips as I desperately tried to hold my sobs. “I miss you so badly really, life has gotten harder, I don’t even know how I survive each day, no matter how hard, I have tried to limit myself from thinking of you or look at any of our memories, but I can’t, I haven’t stopped thinking about you any second of my day it’s making me sick”, I finally sobbed now, my tears were like rivers just falling and welling up.
  “I would do anything to get you back only if God ever asked me to, I have prayed for death to come and get me so I could be with you but I still wake up to this stupid world, I still fucking love you... I really do”, I uttered ashamed of myself. “My heart still aches for you, Jayden and Xavier told me that the pain would feel less and less by time passes, but it feels like the pain had gotten worse by now”, I explained with heavy sobs. My cries got worse now that I remembered how Lio used to comfort me in times where I would feel like this. But for the past 5 years and everyday I have had no one. “I love you”, I sighed with a heavy heart and calmed myself a little bit before  ending the phone call.
  I put my phone away and laid on my bed staring out from the large bedroom window I had.
I stayed calm for a few seconds until I started crying again, the rest of the night passed by like that. Each night passed like that.