"Wake up!" I heard a angry male voice spit moments before feeling my body jolt awake from a cold substance. I tried to retaliate but I soon realized that my hands were bound behind me, my eyes widened in fear. 'This can't be happening, it's just a bad dream. Wake up Alex wake up' I told myself looking at the man that stood before me with a sickening grin. "You thought you could run from me? You thought I wouldn't find you?" He laughed humorlessly.
"Actually no, but I guess you're a lot smarter than you look" i retorted.
I could see his face turning red as he muttered something incoherently. He approached me with balled fists. My head turned suddenly at the impact, I gave him a bloody smile. "That's all you got Joe? You're losing your touch" I taunted. He struck me again, my head flying to the opposite side, then again and again. My head dropped a little, blood dripping from my lips.
"Not so tough now are you Ms.Ramos" he looked accomplished by my current dazed state.
"Just kill me Joe, you're not gonna get shit outta me so why not skip the childish banter and do what you were hired to do. I mean unless you're too much of a bitch to do your job, it's been 3 years you had plenty of chances to do it yet I'm still here. Why's that? Is my little Joey scared to get blood on his hands? That's your problem, you still try to cling on to your humanity there's no room for emotions in this business." I saw the tick in his jaw, my words were getting to him. I smiled a little at this "Aww come on Joey you know you want to" I edged on watching him raise his gun to my head.
Upon opening my mouth to continue I heard him cock his gun, this was it. I wasn't gonna live to see my twenty fourth birthday and I was fine with that. I was growing tired of the game, I just wanted to live a normal life at this point. Settle down with a wife and kids but I knew that would never happen, even if I hadn't got caught. I heard a gunshot, darkness soon consuming me. 'Is this what it's like to die?' I wondered, I couldn't feel or see anything. Suddenly I heard crying, I made my way to the sound seeing a little girl about 6 on the ground holding her knee. I called out to the child and before I could approach her I heard another voice, an older mans voice which was obviously laced in concern.
"Alex?! Sweety are you okay?" The man came to view and I felt a pang in my chest. It was my father, which means the little girl..it was me. I took a few cautious steps back, why was I seeing this. I ran the other way and some how ran into my old bedroom growing up, I turned back around to go the way I came but there was no avail. I saw my younger self lying on the bed listening to music, just starring at myself thinking of how it was growing up. I smiled weakly. "Alex, sweetheart come on we're going out to dinner" turning towards the door I saw my mother, feeling my eyes moisten I redirected my attention back to me. "Alright, I'm coming" the young girl said.
I followed myself to the car, then stopped dead in my tracks. I knew this day too well, what I was wearing, what my mother was wearing though it was significantly less bloody than I remembered. With that they drove off and I thought I was safe not having to witness what would happen on the way to dinner. I wouldn't have to relive losing my mother. Just as I thought that, I found myself sitting beside the younger me in the backseat of the car. "No!" I panicked trying to get out, after failing for thirty minutes at this I gave in. I looked at my mom in the passenger seat having idle conversation with my dad and I.
A lone tear running down my face "I love you mom, so much and I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you before you left me. I should of told you every day like a good daughter. I should of hugged you every chance I had." Before I could finish a SUV ran a red light and hit the passenger door, she was gone..again. I heard younger me screaming for her to wake up, even when bleeding from my head it hurt more to know she was gone. "I'm okay Sweetheart" I turned to see my mother standing next to me.
"Mom?" My voice weaker then I intended it to be.
"Yes Alexandria, it's me" she offered a weak smile.
"But you're...you're"
"Dead. Yes. Alex I don't have much time to explain this, I've been watching you grow up and to say I'm disappointed is a understatement. Gangs? Killing people? That's not who I raised"
I looked down at my feet, who knew getting lectured from your dead mother could make you feel so small. "I'm so sorry ma, I don't want to live life like that anymore but I have no choice but to. I'm too deep in to get out, Id have to die to no longer be in this mess I call my life"
"Alex you are dead. That's why you can see me, why you can hear me. But you're gonna be given another chance, it's seldom that this happens but it is for you. You're looking back on your past so you can feel those things again you can see where it all went wrong. When the time comes you'll know but this time promise me you'll do the right thing. I love you sweetie" she said before pulling me into a tight embrace.
"I love you too mom" I said hugging her back, and just like that she was gone. I stood there at the scene of my mothers death watching the paramedics trying to revive her lifeless body. Then I looked over and saw younger me refusing to let the paramedic who was trying to look at my head touch me not looking up once from my mothers limp figure. My father got pretty banged up in the accident as well but at the time I couldn't care less because to my young mindset it was his fault. He took my mother away, and sure it seems unreasonable to think but to a 7 year old? That's all I had. I had to blame someone, I wasn't driving so I couldn't change anything from the backseat. If he paid more attention he would of saw that truck, he could of avoided it and she would still be there. But no, his ignorance cost my mother her life and I loathed him for it.
The surroundings changed once again, it was a few years later. 7 year anniversary of my mothers death, my dad and mini me sat at the table eating dinner in silence. The tension was suffocating, as only the clinging of the silverware to the plates were heard. My dad put down his utensils and tried to think of a way to say what he wanted to. Over the past couple of years there wasn't much conversation between us two. Every since we came home from the hospital the whole atmosphere was different. "..Alex" he swallowed expecting a interruption but when he didn't get it he continued.
"It's been 7 years, we can't possibly go on like this. We don't talk and when we do it's no more than a few words. I know this has been hard on you and it has been hard for me as well, I get it.." The young Alex scoffed at that "You don't get anything. If it weren't for you she would be here! You killed her. I want my mother and you took her away from me. Everyone says only time can heal but no it still hurts. I'm never gonna be able to run to her for comfort, never have her there to take care of me when I'm sick. Don't you dare sit there and tell me you get it. You're out dating trying to replace her, but you can't! No one will ever be her" He sighed getting up from his seat and walking over to his daughter wiping away her tears.
I watched myself, I was selfish. It had been 7 years and I still blamed him.
~Guys if you could give me some feedback that would be awesome it's been a while. Ty~
