✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

82. The Journey Home

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Tess was blushing furiously at breakfast the next day. She realised that she had dropped so hard into the strange headspace that she hadn't even realised she was acting like a little girl as she danced around her room, dressing in her cutest outfit and putting ribbons in her hair. She suspected that was the consequences of being told to have an accident like a baby; this time it was a feeling that had been triggered, rather than a side-effect of wetting herself, so it was only natural that it would be more pronounced.

She didn't say anything about it over breakfast, although she was sure that her face must have been as red as one of the baubles on the tree. Later she tried to raise the subject when she was alone with her mum. She needed to apologise, but Mum wasn't listening. She said that acting childish occasionally could be a helpful release; she was going to be supportive no matter what Tess wanted. It should have been easy to say that it wasn't something she wanted; that it had been an accident. She wanted to ask her mum not to say the trigger phrase again, but how could she do that without telling her all about the hypnosis, and the bedwetting, and Gabby's weird obsession? She tried a few times approaching the subject sideways, but she never got the opportunity to say what she really meant.

She couldn't bring herself to talk about hypnosis. Not until she could work out how she actually felt about the whole business. And that was another thing that was on her mind for most of the day. She could remember clearly how it had felt when she heard those magic words. She had known instantly that it was going to happen; that she had no choice. She'd tried to fight against it, both by clamping down those muscles as hard as she could, and by telling herself that the trigger shouldn't work like this. But it hadn't worked, and as fast as the surge of pee flooded her diaper, a wave of childishness washed over her as well.

If she could get over the shock, and the cringe factor, of wetting herself in front of her family, she might actually have enjoyed that. She wasn't enthusiastic about being childish, she never had been. But after that conversation with Spike, about different ways to help relax, she had started wondering about some of the other alternative lifestyles people were indulging in. When she thought about being turned into a robot, helplessly obeying commands, she felt her excitement growing in ways she wasn't sure she could put a name to. Or training a person like a pet; obeying commands without needing to understand why. There was something about that transfer of control that was intoxicating; it spoke to something deep inside, and she knew she wanted to learn more. If the only way she could access it now was through being a child, that was a price she was willing to pay; just so she could explore that loss of control.

She tried writing a message to Ffrances about it, asking if they could do something else at some point in the future, rather than turning her into a baby. But she couldn't find the right words; she didn't really know what she wanted. So maybe the ride she was on was as good as any. It certainly made it clear that she couldn't stop if she wanted to; where if she'd been turned into a posable doll or something, she would always have been wondering if she'd just played along. That might be an option for the future though, she thought with a little smile to herself. If Gabby couldn't quite keep to the rules they had agreed on, maybe she could ask for some kind of punishment. Being able to pose her cousin like a doll for the evening might just get the message across, show her how it feels to be pushed into something you didn't ask for. It would have been entertaining as well; but she told herself that the real reason the idea appealed so much was that it might help Gabby to understand how it felt to be pushed into a role.