Lead Me To You

Kabanata XIII

What Happened in Italy?

Monica

A few days ago, I arrived secretly in my hometown in Tuscany. Pagdating ko pa lamang sa airport ay agad na akong sinundo ng tauhan ng aking nonno. Wala kaming sinayang na oras para makaalis lamang ng lugar na iyon.

A memory from the past is still lingering in my mind that I couldn't help to stop. Ang aking Papa, si Helga at si Carter na aking naiwan sa Pilipinas. I couldn't even said my proper goodbye. Hndi ko alam kung may pagkakataon pa bang makita ko pa sila. Hindi ko rin alam kung hanggang kailan ako magtatagal sa Italia.

"Cara, a package has arrived for you." My nonna visited my room every once in a while to check me. Palagi na lang naman niya akong naaabutang nakaupo sa ilalim ng bintana.

What package?

Tiningnan ko siya at malungkot ang binigay niya sa aking tingin. Hindi niya rin alam kung paano ba ako lalapitan.

"I am not expecting any package, nonna." Malungkot na sagot ko.

"It was really unexpected. It was personally delivered for you by your father's man." Her expression is still the same.

Personally, delivered?

My curiosity arose so I stood up and went downstairs without waiting for nonna to come with me. There I saw Carter holding a small porcelain urn jar. What inside that jar gives me an idea. I think I know what's in there. Bumagal naman ang aking lakad habang nakatitig sa jar na hawak ni Carter. Nanginginig at nanlalambot ang aking mga tuhod. Wala akong makakapitang suporta kaya pinilit ko pa ring maglakad ng tuwid.

My Nonno and nonna stood behind Carter while silently sobbing. Carter was intently looking at me with concern and pity. I think I know what's inside that jar.

"Signorina... it was your father's ashes." He declared.

With those words, the sobs of my grandparents became louder and I could really feel their despair. While I couldn't find words to say and my body seemed to be glued to the ground. I was out of words. I was paralyzed for a sudden moment. I could feel my tears falling down my cheeks but no sobs came out.

I feel like I was orphaned the second time.

"Benedici nostro figlio, Dio." I heard nonna say. She's asking God to bless my father.

They hugged each other and my Nonno supports nonna from losing her balance because of crying too much. The nurse is always alert for something that could happen for them so she stayed behind them.

I gathered all the strength I have left and approached Carter. Humihinga ako ng malalim habang nararamdaman ko ang paglapit ko sa jar na iyon.

It's my father's ashes. My Papa's last memory.

His promise was burned together with his ashes.

My tears keep on falling until I touched that jar. I felt like it electrified and it flowed all over me. I felt my father once again. I felt him one last time.

My strength collapsed and found myself sitting pitifully while sobbing loudly. 

I broke down again. I thought I was fine. I thought I was better. But I was wrong.

My grandparents were unable to cope with that extreme emotion so their blood pressure rose. Thankfully, they're okay now. They have taken their medicine so they are now resting inside their bedroom. I went there earlier to visit them and felt relief that they were getting better.

My father's urn jar stayed in my room for a couple of days. It just stayed on my bedside table while I looked at it. Spacing out most of the time and cried all by myself almost every night. I'm sure my nonna always hear my sobs but she didn't interrupt me and just let me.