Chapter One

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Tomorrow's a Monday. Or should I say today, as it's 3:37am. My eyes are exhausted but my mind is alive with a million thoughts, memories, and feelings. Stress. Sadness. Loneliness. Regret. Hatred. None of this is new, of course. These horrible feelings cloud my mind daily. And nightly. I press shuffle on my playlist, and crank up the volume. I need help. I need to call someone. If I don't, will I be here tomorrow? [No.] I don't want to be here tomorrow. [Yes, you do.] I look at his name and number on the screen. Jake. I instinctively press call. Biting my nails, I listen to the endless ringing, praying for an answer. "Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system." No answer. I reach under the mattress to where I hide a container of pills, largely consisting of Benadryl. I grab a small handful and take them with red Kool-Aid. I don't remember falling asleep.

I groggily wake up in a pool of drool, and immediately look for my phone in hopes of at least a text message. I find it under my arm, absolutely lifeless. I hopelessly drag myself out of bed and get ready for school. I throw on a light blue homecoming T-shirt from last fall, a pair of dark skinny jeans, and black Converse. As for makeup goes, it's almost impossible to cover the bags under my eyes. I hardly attempt to try, but decide mascara never hurt anybody.

I grab my car keys and walk outside, not bothering to speak a syllable to either of my parents who have failed to give a single damn about my well-being. I drive off the puddle-filled driveway, onto the rainy road, headed for the hell known as Riverside High School.

The hallways are filled with makeup-covered, pink nailed, cheerleader type girls and muscular jocks so full of themselves that they never think twice about anything that isn't about them. I walk straight through the sea of people, not bothering to dodge a single soul. You see, if you don't move, they will. And the ones behind will follow suit. I grab my books and grab a seat at the back of the room just before the bell rings.

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