Adam's Tale Of Shame: Tale Of The Year Edition

Squisshhhhplulshhhhhploop! Adam Woke with a start, something felt off to him. While everything looked alright as he served his room in the darkness, he felt in his gut that something horrible was lurking in his room waiting for him to fall back asleep so they could continue the nasty. He felt warm and sticky in the most unpleasant of ways. Along with that, Adam also felt kind of gross which was strange for him because he was so used to being filthy.

"Maybe the cat peed on me again, asshole." He thought to himself. "Why must he be such a pain in my ass?"

He decided that it was too late to deal with this issue with the cat and being the lazy, filthy fuck he was decided that at this point in time he just didn't care about pee. All he really wanted to do was to get a good night's sleep. So, he began to adjust himself so that he could fall asleep again and continue his dream of being a dictator when he felt something warm and slimy touch his ass.

"Either that's Shrek or..."

Adam jumped out of bed in a hurry and felt something warm slide down his leg as he did it. He quickly fumbled around on his nightstand until he found the light switch and turned on his bedside lamp. As the light flickered on he saw, to his horror, a large, wet brown spot on his sheet. While standing there in shock surveying the catastrophic damage Adam felt a warm, sticky, wet lump in his pants. He had shat himself in his sleep.

"Oh shit, OOOOOOOOOH SHIET!" Adam moaned.

He was now dressed in a fresh pair of PJ's; these had pictures of little Sandviches spattered all over. He looked at his shame; it was just sitting there on the sheets, mocking him. His sheets were stained a splotchy brown color, with splotches of some sort of liquid in the darkest brown of the mess. He assumed that was where the initial incident had occurred. Also on his bed were his favorite Spiderman Pajama's, there they laid tarnished forever, reeking of the shit that still lied within the unholy article of clothing. The whole back sides of the pants were brown from the explosion that he erupted from Adam asshole and they were also damp, it wasn't a clean one.

"How could this have even happened?" Adam wondered to himself.

Then it dawned upon him. He shouldn't have eaten that entire 12 pack of Doritos Locos Tacos™ all by himself. This would have never happened if he had listened to his incredibly wise, all-knowing, and not to mention ruggedly handsome best friend Nick's advice to not eat them alone.

"Hey Adam you fuck!" Nick had said to him, "If you eat all of those tacos alone you're going to have a terrible time taking a crap."

Adam sighed. It seems all so clear now that he shouldn't have done it but it was too late to think about that. The damage had already been done, now he needed to man up and deal with the fallout of his poor decision making. He would have to do it quietly though he reasoned to himself. He didn't want to wake up his mother because he knew that if she found out he had shit the bed, she would slap the shit right out of him. He needed to solve this problem on his own; there was no one who could save him from this one.

"Well, I should probably start by getting this rank smell out of the room." He reasoned. He was starting to tear up from the terrible smell. "That'd probably help me think better too."

He thought about how he would go around doing that for a second and figured it out. He would use the bottle of Febreze™ air freshener he kept in his night stand to battle the smell. He kept the Febreze™ in the night stand for after he blazed and wanted to get rid of the dank smell that lingered following it. He went over to his night stand and took out the canister of Febreze™ air freshener and uncapped it. He placed the cap carefully on the counter as to not lose it and held up the can and starting spraying that bastard all over his shit stained bed, all over his shit covered pajamas, and just all over his room because he wanted it all to smell fresh to death. The spray eradicated all trace of the pungent smell of shit and replaced it with the smell of freshly baked cookies. He started to think clearer now that his nose wasn't be assaulted by the pungent smell of poo. He was now ready to sit down and hatch out a plan to solve this crisis. So he sat down in his large comfy desk chair and thought.