like i need you // renhyuck

* 1 *

Renjun notices. He always does. Renjun likes to believe in actions over words. He shows that he cares with his actions, he notices everything. he likes to observe his surroundings wherever he is. He notices every small detail about nature, about his members, his friends, himself. And members know it too, the way he cooks something good when he notices someone is not feeling well, they don't even need to say it, because Renjun knows it by observing them. He lets Donghyuck hug him without playing annoyed when he observes Hyuck has been down and tired the whole day.

But Donghyuck didn't think Renjun would catch onto /this/so soon/.

-----------------

NCT Dream had been in the practice room, practicing the choreo for their unit song in the next group project. On a food break. They ordered some fried chicken and rice. Renjun had to pay since obviously! He lost rock, paper, and scissors. Forming a circle they placed the food in the middle as usual and started digging in, Haechan picked up a piece of chicken, ate it and got up saying he's not that hungry cause he ate late at night while gaming.

"Donghyuck." Renjun had called out sternly.
"Hmmm?", Haechan had shown a confused innocent face as if his heart had not just dropped because he had a hunch of what Renjun was about to say. He knew someone would figure it out soon, but not this soon, it hasn't even been complete one week today.
"We need to talk." Renjun said more pointedly, looking straight into Hyuck's eyes which caught the attention of the rest of the guys. They just looked at them, confused.
"You are scaring me Renjunah haha, don't look at me like i just kissed you on camera", he tried to joke and divert the topic.
But Renjun just got up and grabbed Hyucks wrist and dragged him out of the practice room with him.
Other guys just brushed it off thinking it's just normal renhyuck quarrels and Renjun wanted to talk or something.

The walk to wherever Renjun was leading them was filled with uncomfortable and heavy silence, with Hyuck looking down and preparing the answers for Renjun's expected questions and cursing himself for not being careful
Renjun leads them to an empty green room, Donghyuck recognizes it as the room where the people who come to interview them rest and get their makeup done. But it has been unused since covid started, no new personnel was allowed in the main building. It's the size of a living room with a dressing table, a big table for luggage, fancy lights and big couches. Renjun presses the first button that he could find and it lights on a small white bulb, enough for them to see each other's face and makes Hyuck sit beside him on the nearest couch.
Donghyuck had expected Renjun to scream at him in a loud voice and ask him why is he doing this and why he shouldn't do this and just scold him until he says he will not do it anymore, he was so sure because Renjun had been staring at him, glaring he thought, while Hyuck could just stare at his fingers that were starting to sweat.
What Hyuck had not expected was for Renjun to bring his right hand to hold Hyucks left and start quietly, "Haechannie, i have been noticing it since 4 days now, at first i thought that you didn't eat with us because you were in a bad mood,but next day it was so obvious that you were so tired but you still didn't eat anything for the whole time you were with us, yesterday you were forced to eat because we all went out after a long time, but you quietly slipped away to go washroom as soon as we got back to the company. I was hoping I was wrong about this, until now. You were silent as if you saw this coming. But not this soon i guess by the shock on your face?, am i right about everything Hyuckie?"
Renjuns voice so so quiet and fragile, Hyuck thinks he would have cried just by that if Renjun had said a word more.
Hyuck doesn't know what to say, he could feel he was gonna cry anytime soon, he could feel it at the back of his throat so he just nods.
And now Renjun doesn't know what to say or do, he had really really hoped that he was wrong about this all. So he does the only thing that comes to his mind in order to make the boy in front of him feel safe and loved, he hugs him with both his hands, tight. Straightning his posture to hug Hyuck tighter and brings his head under his chin in order to let Hyuck know that he's safe with Renjun and he's not angry or disappointed in Hyuck. And that's all it takes Donghyuck to let it all out, he lets out the tears he had been holding back thinking that Renjun is gonna be angry at him and it's gonna destroy everything if his secret gets out. Renjun holds him tighter as he hears Hyuck's sobs getting louder and his arms holding onto Renjuns waist for support.
Renjun brings up his right hand and massages through Hyucks hair in an attempt to ease Hyuck and it seems to work as Hyuck starts taking deep breaths and wiping his tears on Renjun's tee. Hyuck's hand on Renjun's waist loosen up a little but Renjun doesn't let go of yet. He slowly brings his hands back down and pulls away, placing a kiss on Hyuck's forehead and then pulling away fully to see Hyuck's eyes closed. He brings his hands up to Hyuck's cheeks and presses them lightly, "Hyuckkie, are you okay with talking about this now?"
He doesn't open his eyes but just nods.
Renjun sits more comfortably on the couch with Hyuck against his chest, his left hand holding Hyuck's left hand and right hand on Hyuck's waist. Hyuck almost in his lap.
After a few minutes Hyuck turns a little to his side and brings his right hand to hug Renjun sideways. He opens his eyes and starts talking looking at their intertwined left hand fingers. "It's been six days now Jun, idk how but it just started and i couldn't stop it. I didn't want to stop it." "It all started from reading the comments. Don't say it. i know i shouldn't read hate comments, but i just couldn't stop reading them, because it felt like it was so true, i rewatched our content and i couldn't help but notice that all comments of me being chubby and gotten fat are true and my stomach flashed in few contents and it looked liked it had gotten so big and the comments saying i'm not so idol like just made so much sense to me. So that day after coming back from the gym I didn't eat food, it felt like i had lost weight just by doing that, so i avoided eating and just ate once a day to keep myself alive. 2 days later Doyoung hyung made food and i had to eat with everyone, and then suddenly it felt as if i gained so much weight, so i vomited it out after everyone went back to room. It hurt so much and I knew it was wrong if I kept doing this but I couldn't tell anyone and it really really felt like I would lose weight if i do this. Yesterday was the third time and I thought I could get used to this soon and then it wouldn't hurt......I didn't think you would catch on so fast ...."

Renjun doesn't say anything for a few seconds and Donghyuck is almost ready to yeet himself out of there rather than listening to Renjun scream at him for being childish and careless. Renjun disentangles his left hand from Donghyuck's and Hyuck thinks their conversation is gonna end here but Renjun brings the hand up to Hyuck's nape bringing him even more closer and placing a small kiss on his head, hair.
"Its okay, I understand" after a few seconds he continues, "But you know i'm not gonna let you continue this right ? Its dangerous, its very very dangerous. I know you already know that. And just as much as i respect your privacy, this is something I'll have to meddle in and i will. Even if you hate me forever for that, i'm not about to risk your life over this"

"But please please please don't tell the others about this, please?"
"Only if you promise me you will let me help you and not lie to me about anything?"

"Promise."

"Also let me clearly tell you, if even for a second i feel like you are lying to me I will tell Johnny and Doyoung hyung right away, okay? , if you feel like this is me meddling in your life i don't care, Hyuckie this might be not so big deal for you right now but you do know that this would have required a proper medical treatment if it got out of hand right?"

"Mmm i know i know and you can tell hyungs when you feel like that, at the end i know you will do everything you will for my sake"

"Hmmmm, also even after we feel like it's alright and you are fine, you have to go see a doctor just as reassurance okay?"

"Yess mom, not even my mom nags so much, this is why she likes you"

"whatever, its for you, also about the guys, you can tell them about this whenever you feel comfortable, or never, i can keep my mouth shut forever if you want"

"Yeah i will tell them but not now, i don't want to worry them"

Renjun opens his mouth to say something but doesn't start, just hums in agreement.

"Now let's go and eat , YOU have to eat", Renjun says, pulling away from the hug.
"Mmm nooooo i'm really not hungry Junnieee", Hyuck says tightening the hug and looking up at Renjun with a pout on his lips "i lost my appetite due to crying i guess"
"That doesn't make sense Hyuck", Renjun deadpans looking down at Hyuck , although he knows it does make a little bit sense but he still continues, "also i don't care, you will have to eat with me now"
"Whyyyyy also guys must have already finished everything by now", Hyuck reasons out.
"I have fruits and kimbap in my bag Hyuckie, i know you haven't eaten since a long time now and you will have to right now", Renjun looks at his watch and continues, "We have 10 minutes left and then we have 3 more hours of practice left so you are gonna eat even if you are not hungry and thats final."

"Then gimme a kiss first", Hyuck says cutely pouting even more, looking up at Renjun, he knows he's lost and he has to eat but you know, old habits die hard, he is just trying to take advantage of Renjun letting him be clingy. He always does and Renjun knows it.
"And then you will eat?"
Hyuck is definetly/very much/ taken aback but he doesn't let it show. He just nods.
And then-
In a swift, Renjun leans down and places a peck on Hyuck's lips, Hyuck doesn't even get to close his eyes because Renjun's lips are gone in like three seconds. Renjun pulls away with slightly hooded eyes and stands up with his arms around Hyuck saying, "Now let's go".
Hyuck, now surely obviously veryvery much taken aback, lets himself be carried away by Renjun.
They get back to the room and it turns out that the guys left out a box of chicken and a bowl of rice for them.
Renjun makes Hyuck eat 3 big pieces of chicken and some yoghurt he carries in his back and then they resume to warm up and practice