PURPLE HYACINTH

GOOD NIGHT MOTHER

We entered the temple after a whole three months of grappling preparations and everything. I didn't tell anyone yet what my decision is. I let everyone think what they wanted to think. And I stayed happy with Yibo instead. I stayed with him every day. We had countless dates. We went to the amusement park and part of me knew that Yibo can understand what I was preparing for. I was preparing for a goodbye. But he said nothing.

For some reason he stayed silent. He would complain about trivial things like sharing the last dumpling, but would be absolutely silent about an important topic. I knew he wasn't satisfied with my decision. I knew he felt it even before I told him. But just because I wanted to defy fate doesn't mean I would want to compromise the existence of Xiao Zhan.

If I really decided to cultivate a body it would be just a shell. But the actual Xiao Zhan would no longer exist.

Even though I'm scared, I have to be the one to stay by Xiao Zhan's side. Because no one has done that before.

I know I sound selfish. But no matter what from the very beginning I Xiao Zhan had no one. So I will be the one to solely stand by my side until the end.

After we restored the energy source at the Chongqing temple it took both me and Yibo a whole fifteen days to recover. The fire pearl and snow pearl were gone.

Believe it or not we did put both the pearls together and it somehow defused into one and destroyed itself. I don't know what we did was wrong or right, but for once I wanted to do exactly what shouldn't be done.

In the high priests temple I was standing in front of the high priests while grandma performed a ritual that signifies a new beginning for me after lifting the curse. And finally it was time.

I had to let my decision be known.

I looked at Yibo and saw an expressionless face. Do you not feel anything?

Wait no. I shouldn't think about all of these.

I told the high priests straight up. "I decide on giving up my essence."

And for the first time ever I saw a trace of smile on the high priests' faces. Or was it just a hallucination?

"Hao."

The four priests granted my wish.

"We take back your essence and it will be destroyed. Your soul will enter the cycle of reincarnation and you'll be a normal human being untangled from the fae world. We bless you that the pain of reincarnation makes you stronger."

And something from inside me just vanished. I felt like my body was much heavier than before. I could feel a pinch in my heart. It was suffocating, unbearable, painful.

I could feel Mrs. Jiang's pained sob from far away. And then everything turned black.

I had to make the hospital my home from then on. It was a sacrifice I made. And I did not regret it.

I gave the deserved respect to my own identity. I just hope I don't have to live as someone else anymore. I don't have to take the responsibility of what I did as someone else. I don't have to give up on who I love because they are my enemy. I just wish in my next life I can be just a young man who has a complete family and is loved by them.

Some days I would have very bad days. My body won't move. My head would feel like it has gained some extra kgs. And my brain would just be fuzzy. And some days I would feel like I want to hike ten miles.

It was annoying yet very boring. And I didn't know which would hit exactly when.

Mrs. Jiang would visit me at the hospital everyday with home cooked meal which eighty percent of the time I couldn't eat completely.

Yibo would everyday come back from office and make my hospital room his second home until the nurses would drive him away. I feel sad for him, I really do. I understand how he might feel losing his mate for the second time. It's very painful for him too.

But life don't always goes so smooth.

On the day of my thirtieth birthday, Mrs. Jiang made me the auspicious soup which I love. But I couldn't have it. I felt suffocated in the room and wanted to go out so bad.

Because it was my birthday Yibo took a break for the day and spent the whole day with me. He carried me down from the bed and sat me down on a wheelchair to show me around in the garden.

It felt fresh. I took in the scent of the fresh air and felt rejuvenated.

In the afternoon visiting hours Zoey, Zhuochang, Shijie, Lucy and Mr. Zhao came to celebrate my birthday with me.

I looked around and finally felt the happiness I craved. I felt complete. I could feel my life slipping away from me and I supressed the urge to gag at the feeling so as not to spoil the mood and make everyone worry. They are having such a great time.

But I couldn't do it. I fell forward from the wheelchair. Everyone rushed to me. Panicking if I was alright. The doctor was called and they helped me breath.

I was lying on the bed contemplating if I should tell them what I felt just now. I was debating if I should really say goodbye. I wanted to.

But not all goodbyes have to be said out loud. Some can be conveyed with the eyes. The dizziness in my eyes came and went. And at night I made all of them go.

They had to go. I didn't want them to see me like this.

I didn't want to see them hurt.

After everyone has left Mrs. Jiang sat at my bedside holding my hands. Dad was standing right behind her and Yibo was looking at me from afar, standing right at the room door.

"You made your own choice A-Zhan and I respect that. But tell me what should I do? I want to hold onto you so bad!"

She does this everyday and I just smile it off. But I don't know why, but I wanted to answer her today.

"Keep me in your heart."

I rubbed her knuckled with my weak fingers in a motion so slow as if it wasn't there at all.

"Good night, mother."

I told her. I'm feeling sleepy. So I closed my eyes. I'm tired and sleep took over me. In my sleep the last thing I uttered was, "I hope we meet again Yibo."

THE END

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Okk guys I made myself cry with my own writing! So I just hope you guys don't!!

This one's been sitting in here for a while and I just forgot how to write or to go back to my works for some reason... I don't really know what is happening at the moment... Because everyone just keeps shrinking themselves away from me...

I don't know if I should talk about it to someone because I'm sure no-one would listen...

Anyway let's forget it and let's go on with the story....

I hope you don't hate me for making Zhan die.... I know I'm a pretty bad writer who makes her characters miserable... But as I always say, I don't believe life ever goes smooth... And life doesn't always have a happy ending... But what is in your control is that you can look life in the eye and say, no matter how hard you try to knock me down, you absolutely can not....

So I think that would be enough for this story! See you in the comments section!

All the love
C 💕

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