[ COMPLETED ] • [ EDITED ]
Nadia Valiente's disappearance has always been a mystery to her friend, Marina. By how her alleged suicide took place, up to the position that she was in whilst on that river, soaked to death, felt like an unsealed package...
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NADIA
I kept wondering where would people go the moment they die. And up until this day, that question wasn't unanswered.
When I was a kid, I wanted to ask my mom a favor: that when she dies, she would knock in my dreams and tell me what dying feels like, and what comes next after it.
But she never did. She never paid me a visit after I saw her in her smoking car bathing her own blood. Her head was on the side, staring at a poor kid like me. She looked disturbing. And that's when I concluded that dying is the worst thing a person could experience in his lifetime.
And I guess I plotted my death perfectly that no one ever suspected that I did not experience the way my mother did. I am not dead, unlike the woman they found on the river who took my identity.
Well, actually, she didn't take it, rather I stole hers and replace mine on it, which sounds so cruel, because who would have done that to an innocent person? But I have no other choice. No other choice but to commit a crime.
A leaf fell down on my face for the third time. It's getting annoying that dry leaves kept in touching the surface of my face. I shut my eyes and felt the breeze of the wind wriggle on my skin. Hug me.
I know I'm an asshole. I did shitty things just to make the Organization N believe that I do not exist anymore. But I'm sorry if I have to do that, and I also know that making sure that the woman's younger brother gets the best future would not make myself any better. I'm certain that the boy is still looking for his older sister's corpse, which I used ruthlessly for the plan.
Anyway, the best question to throw at me right now isn't why am I such a fucking cunt, but how did I become one?
It was in my childhood, just like how it usually starts for everyone. Some might think kids like us are just being dramatic for being too fragile unlike others. Let me tell you this: each kid is sensitive. The only thing that makes us different from them is we lacked in guidance and they didn't.
And one of the things that some parents failed to understand is that they mold us. They are the ones who made us, and keep making us until the day we grow up.
I think being a parent is terrifying not only because of the responsibilities that bundles with it, but also the fact that you are creating either a blessing or a monster.
And for some reasons, some of those monsters didn't choose to become such. They just turn up like that. And don't come at me saying that it's the kid's choice to be miserable. Like no matter how bad their parents are, it's still their choice to become an asshole. But no. That is nothing but bullshit.
