Remembering Bella

Chapter 3

"He's lost his mind... Sue says she's worried about him-"

The conversation abruptly stopped when Jacob entered his father's kitchen. He eyed Old Quil and Billy as they both stared at him with those same eyes full of pity everyone had been wearing when around him for the last eight months.

"Worried about who?" He knew they meant Charlie. He had become a man possessed since Bella went missing.

He just wanted to see if the two older men would tell him what he already knew.

He was so damn tired of people walking on eggshells around him.

Billy forced a smile and rolled himself to the fridge to grab a beer for himself and Old Quil.

"Seth... he's dating a girl from Port Angeles and Sue isn't the biggest fan."

Lie.

He was in Seth's head most of the day. He knew that the girl they spoke of had called things off three weeks ago. Seth had taken it in stride just like he did everything else.

He didn't feel like pressing the issue so he just hid a scowl and walked out of the house without a goodbye to either men.

He felt the change shudder over him like a blanket. It didn't hurt like it did when he first turned. Now it was a relief to be in his wolf skin if only to not have to stare into the pitying eyes of his father and the other adults in his life.

Poor Jacob... he knew they thought. Lost his very best friend before he ever got to tell her how he felt.

He jerked from the train of thoughts as he felt someone else in his conscious.

"Fuck off, Leah." He grumbled through the bond.

"You think I enjoy listening to your self-pity party, Black?" She hissed back at him but he knew she didn't have patrol until tomorrow morning.

He and Leah had formed a sort of... understanding. While she wasn't the biggest fan of Bella she understood better than any of the others what it was like to want someone who didn't want you back. She had become annoyingly concerned for him when Bella went missing. He could handle her worry better than the others though because Leah at least still treated him the same... she was just around more.

Jacob would be lying if he didn't appreciate the company sometimes.

"Where are we running tonight?" She asked him to stop his apathetic thoughts.

"Toronto again." He said.

"She's not there, Jake, you know that."

"I know." He grumbled but ran faster.

Jacob had been of the same mind as Charlie that the Cullens had somehow been behind Bella's disappearance. Jacob had scavenged the Swan house himself but found it remotely scentless. Nothing... not even a waft of Bella's shampoo that always lingered in her room. It was as if the entire house had been doused with bleach to cover any tracks, except he couldn't smell cleaning supplies either. Knowing what he did now about vampires having powers it was the only plausible explanation. So he had been Charlie's number one supporter in finding the Cullens and in turn finding Bella.

Dead end after dead end for months had found them. The only lead was a residence in Toronto. A lavish apartment that was paid up every month but hadn't been occupied in over fifteen years. He knew it belonged to them. Esme Cullen wasn't exactly a common name.

So that's how his nightly runs to Toronto had started. He thought perhaps they would return at some point and he could demand answers.

They never came though. The apartment remained empty night after night. The parking spot in the garage with the apartment number on it was just as empty. 

Charlie was still searching for them... he didn't understand that he was hunting predators. Billy and the other elders had tried to dissuade him. They feared Charlie would lose his life in his pursuit, but Charlie wouldn't hear of it. Jacob kept a close eye on Bella's father for any leads he might find but in the meantime he ran to Toronto every night just to see if the blood suckers had come back.

To see if Bella was with them with blood red eyes.

He flinched at the mental image. He couldn't stomach that thought, his Bells, he couldn't fathom the thought of that wonderful heart not beating.

A growl left him as he ran faster.

If Cullen had changed her against her will he would kill him... slowly.

"Can you stop with the angsty monologue? It's giving me a headache." Leah griped.

"No one asked you to come!" He growled at her.

"I'm not letting you go by yourself on the off chance they are there and you do something incredibly stupid." She replied evenly.

"I don't need a nanny... go be Seth's."

"Seth is remarkably matured for his age... you however..." she trailed off and Jacob bared his teeth as he ran. 

"Jake... you know she's probably gone by now, don't you?" Her voice was soft, he wished she would go back to sarcastic Leah, he could handle that better.

"Shut up, Leah." He hissed.

"It's been almost nine months, Jacob. Even if she's alive she's not the Bella you loved anymore... she's one of them."

Jacob stopped running abruptly. He panted heavily into the dirt and fought off the shaking of his body. Not in rage... in grief.

"I have to know, Leah, I have to see it with my own eyes."

"What if you never do? Your lifetime is a blink to them, it could be centuries before they show back up here. Will you spend the rest of your life looking for answers that deep down you already know the answer to?" She had caught up to him, her grey wolf stood before him. Jacob glared at her.

"I don't know, Leah. Will you spend the rest of your life pining for a man who doesn't love you? How many pups will Em have to pop out before you finally let go?" He spat hatefully. Leah flinched visibly and Jacob wished he could take the words back.

"Leah... I'm sorry. I-" She stopped him with a shake of her head.

"Hey, truth hurts, right? That's why our friendship works... you tell me like it is and I tell you." She stared at him. Saying things with her eyes that he didn't even have to hear from her mind.

"I don't know how to stop looking for her." He admitted, feeling raw and vulnerable.

"You take it day by day. Start by not running to Toronto every single day. Honestly, my knees are starting to feel it." She joked and Jacob rumbled with a chuckle.

"What if she's alive and needs help?" His biggest fear bubbled from him. That was what kept him up at night... the thought of Bella hurting and not helping her.

"Jacob, I'm going to tell you exactly what I think and it's going to hurt you. I'm not Sue or Billy, I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass to make you feel better. I think she's gone... if she's not dead dead then she's been changed into something you and I both know isn't Bella anymore." Jacob flinched much like she had when he hurled the hateful words at her earlier. The difference was that Leah wasn't trying to hurt him.

She was trying to make him see the reality of the situation.

He shuddered with the change and he was a man again, naked in the dirt of the forest as sobs erupted from him. A moment later he felt a hand on his shoulder and a blanket drape over his body. He didn't know how Leah had the foresight for such things but he was grateful.

She sat with him as sob after sob exploded from him. He cried in a way that he hadn't since his mother died. He mourned Bella and the life they might have had together if monsters didn't exist. He mourned for the carefree boy he had been before she was taken.

After what felt like hours, when his throat was dry and his eyes swollen, he stood and looked at Leah with grateful eyes.

And he let Bella go.