Stuck On Stupid

Prolouge

Where are you, Nate? Kanina pa ako tumatakbo na parang tanga dito sa amusement park. I have to find Nate and tell him everything. How I feel, how much I love him. I can sacrifice everything for him, I will sacrifice everything for us.

"Nate?!" Sigaw ko, alam ko tinitingnan na ako ng mga tao. I look like a fool.

Jesus, where are you, Nate?

"Jay?" I heard someone call my name so I turned around and then there he is, Nathan Herrera III. Nakatayo lang siya sa may Ferris Wheel. Ironic, the last thing I want to ride into and there he is.. Standing beside it.

You ever know that scene where the two of you are standing far from each other yet the whole world seems to be in slow motion.. People are careful enough not to walk in front of you to break the contact.. And you feel the pull, that something is wrong with the atmosphere like it's trying to tell you 'go, make a move..' and slowly you just walk towards each other.. Trying to supress the smile, the thrill.. You want to reach out but then you're shy enough to do it.

"Hey, Jay. What are you doing here?" Tanong niya. He has this foolish grin, his trademark.. The only thing that a Nate Herrera can do.

"Hinahanap ka." I tried to say it calmly but I can't help it, my cheeks are heating up. Alam ko na nagb-blush na ako.

"Really? Why?" He shifted his stand from one side to another.

"I have to tell you something." Hindi ko alam kung nasabi ko ba talaga yun ng malakas kasi nararamdaman ko na may nakabara sa lalamunan ko. Hindi ko alam kung laway ba o sadyang kabado lang talaga ako.

My heart is beating so fast and so loud, I bet he can hear it. Oh shit, I wish he can't. This is embarassing.

"Yeah? To be honest, I was just thinking of you." Sagot niya. Oh hot mess of the mother of fucking love, did he just say that? My cheeks are burning!!! So help me!!

"May sasabihin rin ako sayo." Sabi niya ulit. I just stared at him, wide-eye.

"So, you want to go first?" Tanong niya sa akin.

"Ahh, nah.. You go first. This can wait." Sagot ko. Ngumiti lang siya at nagkamot ng ulo.

"Sinabi mo eh, soo- uhmm- how do I say this?" Lumapit siya sa akin. What will he say? That he likes me too? Or better yet, he loves me too? Oh god..

"I've been wanting to tell you this since last week pero naduduwag kasi ako." Tell me, Nate.. Tell me you love me, because I feel the same.. I love you too..

"You're my best bud, right? You will understand how I feel, am I right?" Bago pa man ako makasagot, inabot niya ang kamay ko at inilagay ito sa dibdib niya. Shit, ang bilis ng tibok ng puso niya. Is it possible? Could we feel the same way about each other?

Nakatingin lang ako sa dibdib niya, my hand on his chest feeling every beat of his heart. Hindi ko namalayan na inilagay na pala niya ang palad niya sa mukha ko. Dahan dahan niyang inangat ang ulo ko para nakatingin na ako sa mata niya.

Jesus, we're so close right now. I could just kiss the life out of him.

For the last month, he keeps on flirting with me. Giving me signals. It's possible, right?

Tumango na lang ako. God, I can't even speak right now. "You won't judge me, right?" Tanong niya ulit.