Bucky's Arrival

chapter 13

 It's been two weeks. Two weeks since Steve got back from that stupid mission. Bucky still hasn't remembered again. 

 Steve hates everything about this. He feels so awful all the time. He shouldn't have gone on the mission. He should have been here for Bucky when he needed him. He's right back where he started with Bucky. It's like they've gone back in time to when he first showed up to the tower. He's always scared, only listens to orders, cries about everything. 

 They cry together often. Bucky cries because he's scared, and Steve cries because...well also because Bucky's scared. It breaks his heart knowing that Bucky is afraid of him. Especially after previously regaining his trust and working so hard to help him heal.

 Natasha comes by most days. Steve feels bad for his feelings toward her right now. He recognizes that he's jealous, and that's his own issue and not hers. But the way Bucky seems to be more comfortable around her than he is with Steve just makes him seethe with envious rage every time. It doesn't help that she speaks to him in Russian and Steve can't understand it. She says Bucky is more comfortable when she speaks Russian because it's familiar to him. Steve can accept that, but it doesn't mean he likes it. 

 When Steve comes out of the bathroom one day and finds Natasha on the couch, with Bucky laying down with his head in her lap while she strokes his hair, Steve is livid. Who does she think she is? He knows it's selfish to want Bucky all to himself. But that's exactly what he wants, even if he hates himself for it.

 He tries to keep the anger and annoyance from his voice as he speaks.

 "Hey Nat. I think he's tired. I should probably have him go take a nap now." He says.

 "Okay." She says. She says something to Bucky in Russian. He nods. 

 "What are you guys talking about?" Steve asks, trying to seem uncaring, nonchalant. 

 "I asked him if he's tired. He is." Says Natasha. "You know, I don't mind helping put him to bed."

 "Thanks, that's okay though. I need to change him first." Steve says. 

 "I don't mind doing that either." She says.

 "No need. I've got it." Steve says. "He's starting to be more comfortable again with me changing him. Not crying as much." He adds, lying through his teeth.

 "Oh, that's good. I'm glad he's starting to come back around." She says.

 She says something to Bucky in Russian and he gets up and walks over to Steve.

 Natasha gets up and walks to the elevator. 

 "By the way." She says, turning around. "It's okay to be jealous. I know you two have been through so much together. You have history. He's been your best friend for like a hundred years. And I respect that. I'd never come between you two on purpose. I'm just trying to help him. I've told you before Rogers, you're a terrible liar. Don't take him being comfortable around me as a threat or meaning he likes me better. He loves you, even if he doesn't remember it right now." She gets in the elevator and she's gone.

 Steve knows he's jealous and angry but he knows it's not Natasha's fault. He's grateful for her words though. He hopes she's right, and he hopes Bucky will remember again someday.

 "Come on Bucky." Steve says. He leads Bucky to the bedroom and has him lay on the bed. He tries not to cry himself when Bucky cries as soon as he touches his pants. He tries to be extra gentle as he wipes Bucky and gets him diapered. He checks the back of Bucky's thighs, though the welts are gone by now. They'd gone from angry red stripes to deep purple bruises which slowly faded and have now healed. The marks may be gone but he knows Bucky still feels the fear and pain.