Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #28: Death Vs. Death

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES...

...DEATH...

...VS...

...DEATH!

BEGIN!

• Death: •

Word of warning here: forget about the lofty Cost of Living,

'Cause the price of crossing me's a hundredfold if I'm forgiving!

Whether chilling in my realm or as a mortal each centennial,

The Endless biggest sis's gothic beauty is perennial!

A soul-collector nice as I? Good luck with ever finding one,

Yet here up on the mic, I've all the fury of the Kindly Ones,

When I attack a bony, hackneyed, homely phony reaper

As the one and only ultimate in mortal coil-keepers!

You'll end up like my poor middle brother: straight-vacate your station,

When I see you get a lifetime's worth of shame; humiliation

From the Vertigo my dizzying disses hit you with. You'll soon Despair!

I'll put the "psycho" into "psychopomp"; leave you in disrepair!

Contest against this Champion? You're hardly my competitor;

In terms of schticks-personified, you're more on par with Pedobear!

You oughta go and ask your old pal Marlo if she's heard of me;

Like Gadling finally croaking, my defeat will take Eternity!

• Death: •

Let Death arrest her customary silence for a spell

To drop omniscient lyrics deeper than the annals of my Well:

You're lost in deep Delirium; mad as a titan's hopeless courting.

I'm the empress of the end; you're as legit as Emperor Norton!

They say War Is Hell, but it hath not a fury close to mine;

I'll send you to Oblivion with Cosmic Power most divine!

Ensnare you like a Crowley wannabe with no mistake of target;

When you mess with Lady Death, she strikes with Adamantine hardness!

Watch mortality incarnate wreck an eldritch Marcia Brady;

Any Cancer of a wretch who steps to Death's Beyonder-Crazy!

Bring your siblings all along to aid in challenging my mantle,

For your Seven Ds are less a threat to me than Disney Channel's!

Inescapable as gravity, and twice as harsh a mistress;

Doesn't take your Dead Boy buddies to Detect which Death'll win this.

Go consult your older brother's book, and find it's quite confirmable:

Your effort's doomed as Captain Mar-Vell; diagnosis terminal!

• Death: •

That verse had all the logic of a rant on life's unfairness,