PER-I-LOUS,, jp-jw/hp

Chapter 1

Portkeys were a highly regulated form of magic, according to Arthur Weasley. Hermione had, of course, researched them further after they had used one that summer to get to the Quidditch World Cup. She discovered that international portkeys required coordination between countries.

She also discovered that portkey usage was highly prolific and that it was likely that there were at least a hundred used every hour in Europe alone.

Matthew Jason was a large hulk of a Samoan born in New Zealand. He was a member of the New Zealand Quidditch Team who was heading to Iceland to represent his team at a sporting conference. He had been looking forward to the event.

The journey... not so much. An International Portkey was a nightmare, but he couldn't take a plane as he needed to take his broom and other magical artefacts.

The journey came to a near cataclysmic end near the last leg of the journey, the portkey was thrown off course as he impacted something. It was only his shear strength that allowed him to hold on to his own portkey... unfortunately the offending portkey got caught in his robes.

He crashed into the ground in the middle of the night.

"Bind him."

"But Master, that's not him."

"Then kill him."

Matthew was instantly on his feet, wand in hand, spell in transit. The tiny man went flying back into a slab of standing stone.

After a quick glance around, he fell to his knees panting as he tried to regain his breath and bearings. He eventually stood up and walked over to the man. He nearly had a heart attack as he saw a baby lying on the ground. He thought he had killed it.

Then he got a better look and decided to vomit instead.

"Wormtail! Restrain this mortal!"

The raspy and whiny voice nearly made Matthew vomit again. The 'baby' could talk. He sent out another stunner.

Silence reigned.

So... he had somehow wound up in England, based on the accents. Whoever these two morons were, they were expecting someone. They intended to kill him.

Brilliant. Now he just needed to figure out how to contact local law enforcement. It was highly unlikely he'd make it to Iceland on time.

On a beautiful, deserted, sunny beach on the coast of Mexico a young man landed with a thud and a splash of sand.

"Oh. My. God! Are you, like, okay?" Asked a female voice.

The young man looked up from his self-made crater and saw a beautiful blonde girl wearing nothing but a piece of string around her waist.

"Are you an angel?" Cedric Diggory asked in awe.

From what Harry could tell, he managed to hit three trees and a goat as he crashed back down to Earth in the black of night in a jungle during a storm. There might have been more trees... he just lost count after three. He was bounced between them like a bludger between two beaters.

The goat was sent flying away from him to land at the feet of the most terrifying thing Harry had ever seen.

"Wizards have dinosaurs?" He gasped in shock and awe as the massive Tyrannosaurus-Rex nearly swallowed the goat in one shot. "Am I supposed to kill it?" He had no idea what he was supposed to do. The previous two tasks had specific goals. Get the egg, rescue the hostage. He had been told the task this time was to get the cup.

Was this punishment for losing it? Where was Cedric?

It was tipping it down with rain and Harry was already soaked to the bone as he stood in the black of the night. Only the lightning allowed him to see the massive monster.