Romeo and Paris ("Romeo and Juliet" rewrite for comedic purposes)

Act 1: Scene 1

Romeo stared out of his window, sighing exasperatedly. His eyes wandered, trailing across the window so that his mind would drift past his emotional wreckage.. He sighed wondering why he didn't feel right with Rosalind. She was beautiful but she didn't love him back and he didn't know why. He thought he was a somewhat decent guy. But he heart shattered when he found out the girl of his dreams hadn't loved as he lover her.
-flashback--
"I-I am flattered Romeo, but I just don't love thou back. Thou tis not right for me, so I cannot accept thou's love affection."
His heart broke and he felt the tears in his eyes. But they wouldn't spill and it hurt him.
-now--
He felt tears agin trining to spill from his soft eyes. I shan't cry today, that would come as weakness to Rosalind. Then she really wouldn't love me. He shut his eyes for a moment and when he opened them he remembered that his friends were getting tired of him being a sloth because of Rosalind. But he hadn't listened to them because he was caught up in his sadness.
His friend kept trying to him that it wasn't love, you only saw the outside of her. You never got to know the young woman. Romeo knew that deep down that his friends were correct, but he didn't dare to think that way. So he would push to the back of his head and try to never think about it.
All the sudden in the farther parts of the city, there were sounds of fighting happening.
"Ugh! Those idiots are fighting with the Capulet's again?! They really need know their ground! They are going to get killed one days all because of their own stupidity!" Romeo stormed around his room in a rage because he hated this ancient duel thing that he had to participate in because he was a sad little Montague.
He sat on his bed and put his right leg on his left and though about some things that had made no sense to his mind. He blushed at what he was thinking about!
"No! This can't be right, I just love Rosalind! Why are me cheeks red at the thought of a male!? This dost not maketh sense!" He shot up and went to do anything to take his mind of what had happened.
---
Romeo's friends had really tried to avoid Romeo because of how he had been acting.
"Hast thou heard from Romeo?"
"Nay, hast thou?"
"What dost thou think!?"
"Apologies, dost thou know how to get him on his feet?"
"Nay."
"Maybe thou can tryeth to receiverth Rosalind to date Romeo?"
"Nay, you egg! Yond wouldn't work!"

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(A/n:) Get-Shiggy_with-it wrote this wonderful first scene! So so hope you enjoyed!