It was a normal working day for the Electronic Clown. As he sent his 5 children and 2 wives off to school he unlocked the door to his sound isolated streaming studio by slapping his hand on the fingerprint detector he recently installed and booted up stream.
"..No, chat. I will not do a dooply scooby swag move with only my dump truck ass on stream. It is simply not happening. By the way, ban the guy in chat that said that for 70 years. Okay, no, 5 seconds."
As he scrolled through chat, he deigned to give a strange message a mangled read.
"I will donate you... 2000 dollars if you... post the clip of the scooby doo swaf move you just did on twitter and tag the russian ministry of defense. Well, FIRST OF ALL, it's called a scoobly dooply swag move, so, get it right. Anyway, I will NOT do such a thing, I've already EMBARRASSED myself enough today. Come on."
After ending stream and welcoming his family back home with homemade dinner, Jerma sat down at his computer to do exactly as he was told. After finding a clip of the moment in his official Discord and saving it, he promptly tagged the Russian Ministry of Defense on twitter and dragged the file onto the tweet. Having completed his tasks for the day, Jeremiah went to bed.
As the coming day was Saturday, all he needed to start his early morning stream was tell the kids to fuck off and launch the stream on OBS.
Just 5 seconds later the chat was filled with people spamming KEKWs and OMEGALULs.
"Wha- There's a lot of people here already. Did I miss something?"
>HE DOESN'T KNOW
>So proud to finally be part of a Nobel prize winner stream chat
>LMAOOOOO
>DUDE JOE ROGAN JUST FUCKING DIED
"W-W-What? No seriously, why is there so much spam in the chat?"
>YOU WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
>HAHAA
>PEACEKEEPER JEREMIAH
>Do you seriously not know you have a Nobel peace prize
"Oh, okay, you guys are just fucking with me. I swear I'm gonna ban all of you."
>DUDE CHECK TWITTER
>IT'S REAL
>Has anyone else noticed that Jerma's eyes look absolutely ravishing today? If he looked straight in my eyes I would honestly have my panties dropped
>LUL
"Check Twitter? That's gonna make me want to pull my teeth out, but, okay.."
And so he checked Twitter.
He immediately recognized his mistake.
Instead of posting a clip of his fat, dump truck ass doing the dooply scooby swag move, titled dumpass5.webm, there was an entire archive of government documents pertaining to the exact movements of the Russian army in Ukraine, a comprehensive list of evidence definitively detailing all the crimes the Russian upper classes perpetrated in order to get to their current positions as well as the exact location of Putin's bunker and the failing infrastructural degradation that can easily lead to its collapse should a random citizen exploit it, titled dump.zip.
Over the night, everything in Russia changed. Putin was dead, and a popular rebellion led by Navalny has ousted Putin's underlings and installed a temporary government in the Kremlin. In just a few hours, Navalny and Zelensky agreed to end the war, declaring Luhansk and Donetsk as rightfully Chinese, and Crimea was given back to Ukraine, only to be offered by Zelensky back to Russia in an equal deal of subsidization of Ukranian industry and economic interdependence of the two great nations. Using the two countries' natural gas deposits as leverage, they convinced the European Union to start the process of admitting them both into the EU under the condition that the West gives both countries heavy subsidization- all so that desperation would never give rise to another Putin ever, ever again.
This brave leaking of information led the Nobel Peace Prize committee to unilaterally agree to instantly grant Jerma985 the prize for toppling a dictatorship and bringing peace to Ukraine.
Jerma was miffed.
"Oh, god fucking dammit. I was SAVING that! I wanted to use that in a special stream.. Did I SERIOUSLY just leak the entire thing on Twitter?! Now I can't do that stream anymore.."
The chat exploded.
>HE MEANT TO USE THE DOCUMENTS IN A STREAM
>HOLY SHIT
>my dick so small it entered hyperspace to enter your mom
>MAN GOT THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE AND HE AIN'T EVEN HAPPY ABOUT IT
"By the way, as promised, I'm banning all of you."
And thus, the entirety of Jerma's fanbase has been banned for 360 seconds.
"Uuugh... You guys don't even know. This is barely an accomplishment compared to the work I did to win TWO Streamies. TWO STREAMIES, do you understand?! Can't even do a goddamn government leak stream anymore, with you guys!"
Also, Joe Rogan died.
YOU ARE READING
Jerma985 wins the Nobel Prize
Short StoryDid you know that Jerma is an immortal man that goes back in time every 100 years and adds a 1 to his name? He's currently in his 985th timeloop which is why he is called Jerma985. Sick shit
