bus

He had spent most of his time after last period wandering around with a girl he no longer felt any interest in, making circles around the field of buses sending each kid to their town, hoping at some point she'd find hers, get on and leave him alone. It was routine, he'd drop her off at her bus, and she'd say: See you tomorrow. Only earning a mere Yeah or subtle head nod as a reply as he walked off rolling his eyes. What was so painful to him was how much he put into his short lived infatuation towards her. All his friends had practically hated him since he left another girl for her. He thought it was real this time, that she would be the one he could see himself being with. That was nearly two months ago. - Greeting the little people he felt comfortable with, he made his way back to his bus, per usual. She would always text him immediately after he dropped her off, sometimes he'd respond on the bus, other times he would forget to respond, most times he would blatantly ignore it and fall asleep. Earlier that day she had questioned him about never responding at all last night, he had told her his phone was taken to get her off his back. He wouldn't have to force a conversation with her the whole weekend, or pretend to be interested in the things she was saying, although most of the time their talk over text ended up becoming tangents he would go on about on niche things he was fond of. Not to be rude, but rather make conversation as she rarely said anything over text, or in general. He liked girls who could talk for hours and hours, never needing to respond or share what he thought. Occasionally he would, but all he really had to do was listen, he loved to listen, he learned so much about a person and they wouldn't even realize. The comfort he had found in giving his attention to another person, he had grown used to that, being on the other side was something he'd never experienced. - On the bus he'd typically read a chapter or two of the book he was interested in at the time then set it down and take a nap. On occasion a girl would sit in the row behind him on the other side of the bus, typically ranting to a friend about a boy or bringing a boy home from school; though some days, she'd sit alone. Play her music in her ears, look out the window. On these days he found himself admiring the girl. What exactly he noted of the girl he never understood. Maybe it was her beauty, or how she seems so different when alone, or how she always seemed on the edge of beginning an argument despite no one being around. Not that he'd stare her down, but on occasion, careful not to make eye contact he'd catch glimpses of her, and the way she sits, with her knees up and her feet on the seat exposing herself in a way. He'd tried not to look for long when this happened, he felt as if he was disrespecting the girl, looking at her in a way she didn't intend anyone to. But at brief moments, he couldn't help himself. When the bus would turn the corner, and the trees parted just right, the sun would beam down on her porcelain skin, glistening like a lake at dawn; so smooth, he couldn't help but imagine running his fingers down her leg, looking her in the eyes, something that seemed forbidden, so perverted. How could he, when most people thought of him so fondly, mature, but he liked it, he enjoyed imagining the things he could not have, he longed for the people who wanted nothing to do with him who didn't even know his name. Looks never played much of a factor into his likings, however the people he couldn't have seemed to be the prettiest to him. She was wearing a white top and a sweater, with a white skirt, with her knees up per usual, revealing the black nike pros she wore underneath. He thought she was the kind of girl he'd fall in love with, let talk for hours on end about herself, her problems, her thoughts, and he wouldn't mind one bit. He'd sit still, listening, admiring her as he did. He would sometimes worry she could tell he looked at her in such a way, he didn't want her to feel embarrassed, or shameful, after all she could dress and sit however she pleased, it was on him for being so lustful, he would fill with discomfort at the thought that maybe he would make her uncomfortable, he stopped looking at her, opened his book and almost routinely read a chapter before setting it down on the seat and closing his eyes to rest. Falling asleep on the bus was scary for him, he'd find himself needing to be awoken by others on the bus when it arrived, one or twice, the girl woke him up, he'd open his eyes at the soft sound of her voice, looking up to see her standing in front of him. He could always feel his face fill with blood turning red as he quickly tried looking away and gathering his things with a soft: Thank you. He had woken the girl up one or twice before, so he supposed she was only returning the favor. These small, seemingly insignificant instances between the two of them would take up his thoughts from time to time on the bus ride home. Such as the time when he opened his seat window and waved to her when she tried looking for her bus earlier in the year, or when she was afraid to jump out of the back during the evacuation drill. Having a look of worry on her face, such little things seemed to frighten her, the girl looked at him asking: Can you go first? Softly, as he jumped down he reached out his arm taking her by the hand and she slowly made her way off the bus. Any other time she never seemed to even look at him, she minded her own business, maybe he should do the same. The bus got to the stop at the library, and he grabbed his bag and stood, trying his best not to acknowledge her, walking off the bus outside making his way home, he thought to himself if she had ever even noticed him, thoughts about him outside of those few encounters. He had gone to the school gym that day in his free period, he wondered if she noticed. Not that there was anything too notable about him, with quite an average looking face anyone he had ever gotten to fall in love with was purely through personality and affection, but rather if she thought about his physique, how tall he was, his broad shoulders, his muscles, he would figure she most likely never considered any of these things as he himself didn't find anything worth of noting. But in a moment of desperation, and nothing but pure adrenaline he turned his head around, she was a few feet behind him. Looking into eachothers eyes, she gave a soft smile, and he spun his head back around, swiftly making his way to his sister's car to get picked up. And he didn't think much of it. The girl only lived in his head on the way to and from school. Never crossing his mind anytime else.