I was thirteen, and that one day seemed god awfully worse than most. My two year long relationship was crumbling.
How did I deal with something like that? I couldn't talk to my mother, she'd get up in my business.
So I chose, yes chose, to go on a - pretty illegal - walk. To the rail yard.
It was abandoned, so I never had to worry about getting ran over. But I found myself at the top of Suicide Tunnel.
Thirty feet above the ground, and by ground, I men't rocks and a rail.
I never thought once to cut, never once to commit suicide.
It was a break up, my first one, I was just confused and lost. So I found myself sitting on the ledge, watching the distant cars passing.
I wondered what they were up too, who needed to go where. Who was late for an appointment, like I usually was.
Who was engaged, just everything. Maybe that's why I never looked towards the ground, to an immediate death. I was lost in another persons world.
Maybe that's why I never thought of self harm.
Yes, I felt in love with him, but he threw me out, like I was garbage. But people kept telling me, that who ever didn't like me, didn't like me.
He could throw me away, because he was stupid enough to do it. I would regret it, but if he didn't have the nerve to face me, that men't he felt it too, right?
"Stop thinking!" I yelled out for the world to hear. It echoed, drifting into the tunnel, into the whispering breeze.
He didn't deserve to be on my mind, he wasn't worthy of my time. I wasn't his, and he wasn't mine.
I picked up a near by rock and threw it with everything I had towards the rail.
It bounced off, and came a foot from hitting my dangling legs. My heart sped up, and my breathing followed.
I just scared the crap out of myself! I was never throwing a rock, ever again! I swiftly moved off the ledge, and backed up a couple feet to the only grassy patch.
It was a fading green, with winter coming fast. It always seemed to last, the cold dead side of the Earth's mood.
That couldn't be right, winter was just a dazzilingas any other season. It was different in its own way.
I shook my head, I was defending a season for reasons unknown.
"Kristen! You'd better not be thinking of jumping!" The sound of my friend's voice had me focusing on the real world again.
"Never, what's up?" I asked, drawing back in my depression, she was two years younger than me, I didn't want to have anything to take her innocence.
"Came to find you," She said, as if it explained everything.
Which it did, to the both of us. We always met here after school. She was still in Elementary school, so I got there way before her.
"Cool, what do you want to do?" I trailed off at the end, swearing I saw a police car.
If they found us, we'd be so dead. My parents were cops, and not a strict as some parents for a surprise. But they knew everyone at the office, an I do mean everyone.
Even that old grouch that mumbles to himself. He gave me the creeps.
"Actually, follow me.".
So I did, I was up for anything, a long as I got away from that tunnel. I didn't want to die today, or any day soon.
My life wasn't terrible, I had clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food to put into my stomach. That's a lot more than some people could say.
We stopped at a metal cylander thing, I didn't know what it was.
When she shrugged off her jacket, took off her shoes and socks, and rolled up her jeans, I was questioning her sanity.
"Come on, we're going in." Her words sent my stomach racing in a spiral.
She couldn't possibly mean to get in there... And my sliver of hope was crushed as she bound in there with a leap.
She definitely had more guts than I did.
I took off my shoes and socks, before jumping in after her. I had on shorts and a long sleeved shirt.
I followed her in, retching silently at the smell of... Rotting fish?
She kept ahead, moving along the side as I saw a dead fish.
I stopped, and felt myself getting queasy, I was killing her. It was going to happen.
I had to get out of here first, and there was no way back. So I stealed my shoulders and launched myself after her.
My feet slipping on multiple occasions into the green - probably poisonous - water, where dead fish floated.
When I got out, I found her standing there with a smile, and I smiled back, because both of us were drencheding in dead fish water.
And we smelled like waste, and looked like we got pushed into a river.
But I actually had a fun time, panning her death. I'll use it on someone else. I decided and walked off into the Suicide Tunnel.
Side by side with my equally drenched friend.
