Audiobooks have always been a big part of my life. I started listening to them when I was a kid - my parents weren’t exactly the “bedtime story” type of people - and simply never stopped. Growing up, while most of my friends blasted Greenday or Blink 182 in their headphones, I was content enjoying the exploits of Harry Potter or Eragon. I subscribed to Audible when it first came out and never looked back. Whether I’m in the shower, driving to and from work, or doing chores around the house, I’ve got an audiobook playing.
I came across this particular audiobook when it popped up as a recommendation for me. The book was called “The Life of Benjamin” and as far as I could tell, the only reason that it was recommended to me was because my name is Benjamin. No author was listed, no genre, no similar books, and no price. I figured I’d give it a whirl and if it sucked, I wasn’t out anything but the time it took to get from the beginning to the point I decided I didn’t want to finish.
The beginning was a bit strange as well, because instead of introducing the book, author and narrator, it leapt right into the story.
It starts out explaining the background of the main character, Benjamin, which was to be expected. Benjamin lives in the same small town he grew up in, having been fortunate to purchase a house shortly after the market crash of ‘08, and although he never intended to stay in that same small town, he found that as he grew older and more mature, he appreciated the familiarity.
Benjamin had his fair share of girlfriends throughout his life up to this point, but was never married, and secretly wondered if he would ever find “the one” or if he’d continue to bounce from relationship to relationship until he became too old and too tired to keep looking. He works in a dead-end job as an insurance salesman, and hopes one day to be a full-time writer, although he understands that that particular dream is one often dreamt, but seldom realized.
The first chapter goes on just like this - explaining how Benjamin got to where he is and how life wasn’t what he thought it would be. It seemed a bit dull to me - the introduction of this character didn’t really explain WHY the reader (or listener in this case) should care about this character. This Benjamin person may as well have been named something ridiculously generic like “John Everyman” as far as I was concerned because nothing really stood out about him. Sure, I related to the character, having shared the same name and a few of the same qualities, but that was mostly because those qualities were the same things that every adult in their thirties has.
I put the audiobook down and elected to give it a chance for redemption the next day while I was mowing my lawn.
Chapter two started out MUCH better than the first. Now that Benjamin was introduced in all his mundane glory, we could finally begin some decent scene-setting.
“The sun had begun to set over the Oquirrh mountains, casting shades of crimson and gold across the summer sky, but the heat that the sun had brought with it that day lingered like a fog as Benjamin set out to complete his least-favorite chore.”
I cranked the lawnmower and began to push it across the overgrown lawn.
“Benjamin pulled on the cord of the lawn mower, bringing the machine to life, and began to push it across his overgrown lawn.”
I frowned and chuckled to myself - that was a bizarre coincidence.
“Benjamin paused suddenly, a puzzled look crossing his face.”
I stopped the lawnmower.
“He released the shut-off lever and the lawnmower came to a halt.”
“What the hell?” I muttered.
“‘What the hell?’ he said to himself, wondering if what he could be hearing was some elaborate joke.”
I pulled the earbuds out of my ears and looked around. Someone had to be messing with me, right? Someone was watching me and was tapped into my app somehow narrating everything I was doing.
“Hey!” I called to the empty street. “Very funny!”
Silence answered me.
“Seriously, this is a solid joke! Bravo!”
Again, nobody answered. If my neighbors were watching, they didn’t let on. Not that I could blame them - I wouldn’t answer the crazy neighbor yelling at the wind either.
I finished mowing the lawn, keeping an eye out for whoever was watching me, then went inside for a shower and a beer.
Once inside, I popped the earbuds back in my ears, curious to see how this “audiobook” would go now.
“After mowing the lawn and finding no sign of surveillance, Benjamin placed the earbuds back into his ears to see what would happen next.”
Not bad. This had to be one of my friends - Adam maybe, or Brent - someone who knew me well enough to anticipate what I would do.
“He suspected one of his friends was the mastermind behind the elaborate prank. Someone who knew him well enough to anticipate his every action. This, he would soon discover, was not the case, because while a close friend might be able to accurately guess his behavior, it was statistically impossible to predict his thoughts.
“‘Blue, nineteen, Uma Thurman,’ he thought to himself, astounded with how quickly the narration in his ear echoed the thoughts back. He pictured the Eiffel tower, the first time he’d had sex in the backseat of the family station wagon - he’d always told everyone it had happened at her place while his girlfriend’s parents were out of town because he knew if his father found out about the station wagon he’d be in a hell of a lot more trouble than he was in when his parents finally did discover his teenaged sexual activity - and still everything he heard was precisely accurate.”
My heart began to beat faster. How was this possible?
Just then, I heard a strange scratching sound coming from my front door. As I approached the door, the sound suddenly stopped. I peered through the peephole and saw nothing but twilight staring back at me.
“Stepping outside once more and standing on the front porch, Benjamin surveyed the empty street for the source of the sound. The summer breeze played with his hair as he searched for signs of life and found none.”
I turned around to go back inside and stopped suddenly when I saw the marks in my front door.
“Deep gouges were set in the door, precisely where the scratching had been heard moments ago. They were at eye level - far too high for most dogs to scratch into the door, and even if that weren’t the case, the lines were surprisingly deep. He doubted he could have done the same damage in such a short timeframe, even if he were using a knife or perhaps, looking at the distance and grouping of each line, a four-pronged garden rake.”
There was no way this was real.
“But it was real,” the narrator said in my ear. “And the horror that Benjamin was about to face was just beginning.”
The narration stopped, and I looked down at my phone to see that the chapter had ended. I tapped on my phone screen to continue the story, but saw that there was a note on the next chapter that read: “Unavailable, please try again later.”
