𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 | carlisle cullen

(𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞) my little dove

song for this chapter
Fourth of July - Surfjan Stevens

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ESTELLA SUPPOSED SHE SHOULD HAVE walked straight home after it had all happened. The sun was still a beacon above her as she followed the trail back through the woods. She half believed that she would spot Carlisle in front of her somewhere in the far distance as she followed his path, yet he was long gone.

She would probably never see him again. That hurt more than she'd imagined it would. Surely the worst part should be the loss of love, the incredible feeling burnt to nothing yet instead she worried his face would slip like water through her hands.

Half of her wanted to curl into a ball and lie on the forest floor, let the elements take her. Living without him seemed impossible. However Estella was a rational person. She understood this this had always been coming for them. They'd had everything but time and slowly their journey had come to an end. She couldn't go with him, this much was sure.

Estella hadn't been meant for a life of danger. She had been raised for responsibility and she felt she owed her mother to continue on with the life that was crafted for her. After all, she should be grateful. Estella had been born into fortune, money and a stable family. Many women would wish for what she'd had.

She felt lucky as she walked through the towering rows of pine trees but not because of her wealth or her status. She was fortunate because she'd been blessed with nine months of pure bliss, pure requited love. Something she never believed she would be able to experience. It had been incredible of course, every second until the very end. She had been gifted that and eventually she would come to realise that it was enough, this felt like a long way off now but eventually she would understand that Carlisle was right.

Tears still flooded her cheeks, her face stained red from their touch. She felt too warm, the sun was burning the back of her neck as her fingers traced the small intricate braid left in her curls. A part of her didn't want to take it out.

She wished it was cold again, Estella wanted to feel snow hit her skin, she wanted ice to contain her. She wanted to feel the night and its cruel, spiralling aloneness. She wanted to get lost in a storm, falling in a flurry of rain and brought back to life with a clap of thunder and an explosion of lightning. Estella wanted the weather to reflect her moon yet instead she had been given a perfect summers day. It didn't seem fair.

Estella sighed loudly, wiping tears from her face angrily. She had never been one for emotion until he'd come along. If her past self could've tread the story like her many books, she would've said it was soppy and fake. She wouldn't have understood the naivety of meeting a stranger to the rapid pace that they fell into love. She would've said it was unrealistic because she didn't understand.

He'd changed her. Estella realised that now. He'd given her emotions she hadn't felt before, she owed him that. In fact, she owed him a lot. Her first love. Estella didn't want to say only love even though that is what it felt like at the time. How could she love someone else after this? There would never be someone like him, there would never be someone so beautiful, someone so caring, so gentle and so perfect.