Je T'aime | Billie Eilish

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dry nursing/breastfeeding
chapter trente-trois continuation

billie eilish

"shh bil, it's alright, mommy's here, she's got you baby" lilou hushed, rocking me and back and forth in her arms, drowning in one of her oversized sweaters. the thought of not having not even one comfort item was really upsetting me.

lilou looked slightly bewildered toward the situation, trying to just find something to calm me down but having no luck. i continued to wail around my thumb, my tiny mindset was so confused and upset by the pain in my abdomen, that all i could think to do is cry.

"uhm, uh i- i have," lilou stammered, trying to think of something. "oh! i have a bottle, do you want to try that? hm?" she asked, sitting me up a bit more as i was slipping out of her arms slightly. "paci!" i cried loudly, "i know, i know, but a bottle is like your paci, just you can put something in it, like water, or milk" lilou explained.

"no wan' it" i wailed, squirming around on lilou's lap. "okay, okay, no bottle, uh" lilou said squinting hard into the distance trying to come up with anything. in the meantime, my free hand had found it's way underneath lilou's shirt, pressing into the warm bare skin.

lilou's hand slipped up her shirt, finding mine and pulling it out making a soft whine slip from my lips and my eyes fill up again. "oh- hey, shh, it's okay my love, give me one second" lilou whispered, crossing her arms over and grabbing onto the bottom of her shirt, before tugging it up over her head.

my watery eyes widened at the sight, my sobs faltering. lilou placed her shirt down on the floor before taking a look at me and my reaction. "you okay ma précieux?" she giggled a little. "boobies, mommy" i said in a small voice, almost gasping as i took my thumb out from between my lips, making lilou's chest wobble with laughter.

"you're so silly" she chuckled pulling me onto her lap properly again as i was slipping off her knees. "does billie want hers off too?" she asked watching me start to tug on my own shirt. i nodded so lilou helped pull it over my head and get my arms out.

i laid my head down on lilou's chest, breathing heavily and sniffing from my tantrum. the feeling of her skin against mine was calming, it gave me a lot of reassurance that lilou was just there.

my hand crept up her body until it was beside my face. my finger tips started to trace little shapes over lilou's chest, from her collar bone down until it hit the cup of her bra. suddenly i was reminded what my face was next to, causing my face and ears to heat up.

lilou chuckled softly, "it's okay, baby. they're there for you if you want"

i looked up at her and tilted my head in confusion. "for billie?" i asked. lilou nodded, "for you,"

my tiny mind wandered and thought about all the what if's and the should i's. bigger minded me would have been undoubtedly distraught with embarrassment at the thought of doing anything like lilou was implying or offering, but small minded me was only thinking about right now, and not busy worrying about what any one was gonna think or what was going to happen.

little billie knew her tummy hurt, and god how she wished she had any type of comfort item to help her feel better. with the newfound comfort strategy, maybe she could appease in some comfort in this intimate proposed new idea with lilou.

winning the argument over in my head, i looked around the room cautiously. "we turn light off mommy?" i asked quietly. lilou nodded, "do you wanna go turn it off?" she asked. i looked at the distance between the light switch and the bed, and decided it was going to be too scary to walk back to lilou in the dark.

"come wif baby?"

"sure," she smiled softly and stood us both up, putting me gently down on the ground. i snagged the older girls hand immediately as we both walked over to the switch. i reached out and flicked the switch, quickly turning and pulling lilou with me back to the bed so our feet wont be taken by monsters.

lilou helped me onto the bed giggling softly at my behaviour before sitting down with her back pressed up against the head board. i crawled into her lap, sitting down sideways and leaning into her arm. my big eyes searched for the teens face in the dark, but i couldn't seem to locate it.

instead, i reached out slowly with my hand until it came in contact with her soft, dark olive skin. i rested my hand on her cheek. within a moment i felt my legs sweep out from under me, lilou placing them over her thigh, so i was almost completely horizontal in her lap.

"now, i don't know if you know exactly what's about to happen, and i want you to know you can stop, okay? just tell mommy if you wanna stop at any time, alright my love?" lilou said in a hush tone, kissing my hand that was beside her mouth.

"why you whisp'en?" i giggled loudly, earning a chuckle from lilou too. "i actually have no idea baby, but do you understand me?"

"mhm-hm," i nodded against her. "okay. i'm proud of you for being so brave, i know this stuff is kinda hard for you, huh?" lilou said. i didn't answer, but i felt like i didn't need too.

the wave of stomach cramps that had lulled had soon started up again, causing me to whimper and squirm around, holding my tummy. the pain brought tears to my eyes. "oh no, sweet girl, is your tummy hurting again?" lilou asked hearing the little cries slipping my lips. i nodded into her once again.

"here, darling. we're gonna try this now yeah?"

i could sense some movement happening in front of my eyes but i couldn't make it out. instinctively i moved my hand from lilou's cheek and felt my way down her body, to see what had just happened.

when my short fingers didn't hit any strap or cupping of her bra, i sunk down knowing what was on display in front of me.

"i've got you honey, you don't have to be scared, it's okay"

i whimpered, holding my stomach. "relax mon amour, shh, c'mere" lilou coaxed, slowly pulling me closer to her chest. i felt her breast against my lips, the skin was warm and smooth. before i could even think, lilou lifted my head higher, my lips brushing up against her nipple.

my lips parted, letting it into my mouth. my eyes shut tightly, just pretend it's your paci, it's okay.

i held my breath and started sucking every so lightly. "you're doing so good baby," lilou encouraged stroking my cheek gently. i let go of my breath i was holding and relaxed into lilou's arm. it's okay, i'm okay.

my screwed eyelids soon eased up, every body part feeling quite heavy now. "you sleepy?" the parisienne asked quietly. i gingerly opened my eyes just enough to make out the girls silhouette, but they soon fell shut again, fatigue taking over.

my dazed state was allowing me to relax further, starting to suckle stronger. i brought my hand up beside my mouth, resting it against lilou's warm skin. i felt one of her hands reach down to my sore tummy and start to rub little circles against my shirt.

it felt like lilou was talking to me some more, but my ears seemed to drown out her voice, making me feel like i was underwater. i was teetering in and out of sleep, but i couldn't quite let go all the way.

who knew this would make me so sleepy so suddenly?

lilou roux

"did you fall asleep on me, hmm?" i cooed ever so softly to the small girl in my arms. her mouth twitched against my nipple, the small sucks she managed just before had stopped all together.

i reached my finger down to billies cheek and rubbed it up and down against her soft skin. "so precious..." i murmured under my breath, smiling down at my sweet baby girl. how did i manage to aquire someone as perfect as billie?

i continued to admire billie drift into sleep, but soon realized the longer i watch the creepier i felt, so i delicately removed my boob from her mouth and adjusted my grip on her so it was more comfortable for her and my arms.

i leaned over to grab myself a sweater i tossed onto the bed beside me and put it on over my head, shoulders and arms. i grabbed my phone too, to entertain myself silently while billie dozed. i kissed the girl on her forehead one last time before focusing my attention onto my phone screen.

"bonne nuit ma belle, beaux rêves"