Tear: A Kim Namjoon Fan Fiction (18+) Book 3

Chapter 17- Still

*Author Note- MATURE CONTENT! This chapter contains strong sexual content. Read at your own risk.

~Aera~

I pulled the blanket around my shoulders, tears still falling down my cheeks and shivering even though it was warm in my apartment. I could've been on fire and I'd have still felt cold without him there...it didn't matter. I missed his warmth and couldn't sleep without him next to me.

It hurt so much to walk away and give him the space he needed to decide if he still wanted me and the future he offered me but I had to do it. No matter my reasoning for being a part of Ki's downfall the fact was that I lied to the one person I truly loved so deeply in order to make that happen. How could he forgive me, and how would I ever forgive myself?

I saw the sun start to peek through the curtains, signaling the start of another day. I reached my hand out from under my blanket and picked up my phone to check the time: seven forty-eight in the morning. I also noticed that even though I had unread texts from almost all of my friends and family, one name was missing on my screen...Namjoon. He didn't send me a single message all night. I know I told him he needed space to process what happened but I couldn't deny the dull ache in my chest knowing he hadn't reached out once. Not to say good night, nothing at all. I couldn't fault him though...this is what I'd told him to do.

Knowing I'd never be able to get any rest I placed my phone back on the nightstand and threw my comforter off my body, shivering as I did. I got up and grabbed my favorite robe, snuggling into it and inhaling deeply...Namjoon's robe. It still smelled like him. He left it here for the nights he'd stay over and right now it was the only thing giving me comfort as I waited for him to decide if loving me was still worth it.

I picked my phone back up and turned the ringer on, not wanting to miss any calls or messages from Namjoon in case he decided to reach out and drudged into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, knowing I'd need all the caffeine I could get into my system to get through today. Not only was I worried about Namjoon's decision, but I also had Jimin's party happening tonight. Catering a big event like this was probably not the best idea given all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. However, I was grateful for the distraction and was looking forward to at least one thing going right that day.

Once my coffee was ready, I added some creamer and took a seat at my kitchen table, taking a soothing drink as it gave me a little warmth. I took my phone out and decided to reply to the many messages I received. Most of them were from friends asking if I was okay. Emmie and Sunni both called and left voicemails. Jungkook asked me to call him back when I woke up. Taehyung, Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jin both asked if I needed anything. Jimin sent me a text suggesting that he cancel the party tonight in light of what happened. I quickly pulled up his number and called it, not caring if it was too early.

"Hello?" Jimin answered, his voice deep and sleepy.

"No Jimin," I said to him. "Please don't cancel tonight."

"Aera," he said, and I heard ruffling in the background, most likely the sound of his blankets as he got out of bed. "Really, you've all been through something pretty big and I just wonder if-"

"Jimin," I repeated his name. "Please, I-I need this right now. I know it's probably not the healthiest way to distract myself after what happened but I just...Jimin please."

I heard him sigh sleepily and he was quiet for a few moments before he said, "Are you sure about this? What does Namjoon think?"

I felt a tightness in my chest hearing his name and I said, "I don't know."

"Well maybe you should-"

"Listen, I know what happened yesterday is still on everyone's minds but there isn't anything we can do to change anything. I know the days ahead will be hard and there are things that are still uncertain but for now I need to feel some normalcy and that includes catering your event. I think after everything that's happened lately we all need to get dressed up and forget about the bad for a while and I want to contribute to that. Please?" I asked him, on the verge of begging.