i'm still a believer but i don't know why

introduction

This will just be a introduction into who i am. but discreetly.
I am a male and 15 years old. I live in North America and in Grade 10. I stick out from the majority at my school.
Awhile back i had a incident. It caused me to look like a idiot and loose a lot of people around me. I got off social media for a while and focused on my self. It kinda worked. I'm kinda better. nowadays at least.
I broke out of my comfort zone a little. my style is pretty good but not good enough. my friend says it can be better.
My family comprises of my two siblings, both my elders, my mom, 3 aunts, 1 uncle, 2 cousins, and more but those are the main ones.
My mom is weird at the moment. She is a little off since my older sibling has cancer. it got bad then good then bad again and now i don't know. they don't update me anymore on them. I kinda just expected to do good and don't get in trouble.
To be honest. i don't know if my mom likes me. She pays attention to my other sibling because they are just perfect. They do sports and they are always punctual.
I kinda just do my own thing. i never liked sports and am kinda the nerd of the family.
I have always tried to be perfect for my mom. I try to have good grades but this year has been on the rails for me and well I fell apart and my grades are okay. B's and C's. I try my best but it never works and my mom just says good. She posts my brother all over her social media but not me. I was always at my friend's house for the longest time. I spent a lot of my summer there. Maybe that's the reason. I just wasn't around but I don't know it feels weird.
That's all ill say for now.