Even If It Hurts (Completed)

Chapter 33

"Mikael Adams Salazar!"

Hindi lang iisang beses kong tinawag ang batang makulit para i-pack na niya ang mga laruang gusto pa niyang dalhin sa Pilipinas.

I already told him I can buy him toys when we got back to the Philippines, but he said that he can't just leave these toys here. He still insisted that he'd bring home some because I didn't allow him to take everything. Tatlong malalaking boxes ang mga laruan niya rito. He has been spoiled by the people here in the small town of Giethoorn in the Netherlands. May dalawang Filipino families kaming nakilala rito at mga self-proclaimed ninong at ninang na sila ng anak ko.

Yes, I already have a child. I named him after his father. And like what I promised to Kael before since ayaw niyang gamitin ko iyong apelyido niya kahit na kasal naman kami, iyong given name na lang niya ang ibibigay ko sa magiging anak namin.

But I didn't expect that he could still make me pregnant. Buong akala ko noong may nangyayari sa amin at wala siyang ginagamit na protection ay dahil alam ko at confident akong may epekto pa ang depo shot ko. Six months ang alam kong effectivity noong kinuha naming shots ni Raven.

But when I confirmed my pregnancy a few months since I got here, I asked my friend and co-intern how long is the effect of the birth control shots we took. At ang sabi niya ay tatlong buwan lang. So apparently, matagal ng lifted ang effect ng depo shot ko bago pa man may mangyari sa amin ng ex-husband ko.

"Mikael Ad—"

I was cut off when he finally answered.

"Ik kom eraan, mama!" he said he's coming.

My son was running towards me. He was holding a box of I guess a brand-new remote-controlled car. My brows furrowed. I think alam ko na kung kanino na naman galing 'yan.

"Niet rennen!" I told him not to run dahil baka madapa na naman siya. Kahit pa damo naman iyong daan papunta sa maliit na apartment naming mag-ina ay madalas pa rin siyang nagagalusan dahil sa kalikutan niya. Malikot siyang bata pero sobrang seryoso. Hindi siya basta-basta nakikipag-usap kahit kanino kaya iniisip ko kung paano ko siya ipakikilala sa pamilya ko.

It has been three years since I left. Hindi ko naman tinapos ang communication kina daddy, sa relatives ko at sa mga kaibigan ko but I never disclosed where I am. Kaya wala silang alam kung nasaan talaga ako at hindi rin nila alam na nagkaanak ako... kami ni Kael.

At dahil may communication ako sa kanila, alam ko ang mga nangyayari. Alam kong hinahanap ako ni Kael pero never kong in-entertain ang usapan patungkol sa kanya. I immediately dismissed it or suggest something else to talk about. No one knew why I left. I told no one about my reason. I just treat it as a story that shouldn't be told to anybody.

Or maybe I just don't have to tell my side of the story. Time will.

I felt so sorry to myself that I mistook all the laughs, sweet talks, inside jokes, and the intimacy we shared as him caring and loving me. Akala ko mahal na rin niya ako. Maling-mali pala ako. He was just using me. I don't know how, but he's just keeping me because I somehow help in boosting his company's revenue. I learned my lesson. Next time, I'll think twice before wasting my time again with anybody.

Before I left the country, I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to scream my heart out. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could do was to tell myself that I am fine. That I am okay with everything. But that just solidified my decision of giving him what he has wanted ever since we got married—our annulment.

Not every race is worth running, and not every war is worth fighting. I loved the parts of him that I did not own. And he owned the parts of me that he did not love.