In Too Deep

One.

O'ahu, Hawaii. 2027. Fashion Week. At the Jacquemus show.

The sun was setting in Hawaii, calm. It always felt familiar and homey, not that she ever stayed here for long to have it seem like one, but as the sand got in her pink sandals, underneath her toes, while hearing the waves of the ocean wasn't so bad if she thought of settling down in a place like O'ahu. It was very her. Or at least it represents a place she'd find herself at peace in.

Settling down huh, Jennie thought to herself. After all, the idea wasn't really new to her, and the things in her life were more in alignment than it ever was. She had maintained a strong decade-long career, and still counting. She chimes in her head, trying to list her reasons why it must be the right time for her to finally just be... Jennie.

She loved it, her craft, her career, it made her feel like she could run her world. One where she could be whoever she sought to be in one place or another, at the same time in continuous strides. The rollercoaster of it all was everything she dreamed of, and she's on top of it. She's already made her peace with the decisions she's made. All those years ago, it was worth it. She thinks so. And she finally knows so.

But this doesn't shut the room for her to wonder.

Every now and then, she finds herself looking back. Along the way, the self-pity and hatred had slowly transformed into renewing her composure, a better point of view, that if her younger self's decision was to chase her dream, in exchange of the love, the calm, and the oasis. The least that she could do for herself, and for the death of what she once had, was to make it all worth it in the end.

But everytime she passes by a window, a peek through the blinds of what could've been that knocks on her heart, she gives in just a little.

"Maybe you just need to get laid," Of course she breaks the silence like this. She looks at Chahee who's staring back at her that says you know I'm not wrong.

Jennie snorts at this and laughs, "Where did that even come from? And I have been getting laid, dumbass." she rolls her eyes.

"Right, since when? The Seventeen-hundreds?" Chahee's own statement shoots her into a horrendous laugh, she continues "Girl it must be as dry as the Sahara's down there if not worse."

"Fuck off" Jennie rolls her eyes once more at her best friend then getting up on her feet to go back inside their room by the beach. This doesn't really bother Chahee, if anything she finds it even more amusing.

"But seriosuly though Jen, I worry about how you've been lately. Like all that fuckery aside, I think you should know that it's fine for you to admit that you're actually scared about taking this break."

Right. That's exactly the reason why she bribed Chahee to come with her to Hawaii earlier than her supposed appearance for Jacquemus' show. Jennie hasn't been feeling as great as she should be about her hiatus that she herself decided on. She was wary of the uncertainties it came with. No schedule to follow, no project to think of, no opinion to hear, no standard to uphold. The break meant to let herself be out of sight, of course she wanted this, she needs it so bad. Her career was everything that she is, sure she committed to it, but it was still a job, and like any other, it was exhausting.

Other than that, she was terrified that she may end up loving not being in the spotlight much more than when she's under it. Jennie had spent a lot of her time growing, knowing what is and what isn't. When the green light turns to yellow and red. And in that time alone, she's learned that the world doesn't stop for anybody too. So if the time comes that hers stops turning, would she be as happy to lay with the idea that she was never able to let herself be?