I hate remembering...

Where it all started

I remembered it hurt seeing him hurt.Theres a first time for everything right? I remembered what it felt like seeing his scars for the first time. But most importantly I remember what it felt like to fall in love with every imperfection he owned. But worst of all i remember how much pain it brought me seeing him die slowly. Its actually a funny story on how we meet, I remember it like it was yesterday. Sometimes i wish he was still here and sometimes I would cry just because i miss him ,its  stupid i know i used to think love was over rated and does not exist but all it took two months and I rose from this hell we call life. If i'm going to tell you my story lets go to where it all began: the staircase.

 I was sitting out side on my staircase  smoking a cigarette trying to numb the pain of my crappy life and trying to ignore my parents voices that were so loud for arguing not even for a moment do they consider the fact that their fighting drives me insane i think thats where all my depression started. I know its not my fault but i feel like they’ve been giving me fake love my whole life. Honestly they don't even know about my self harm which is obvious i wear short sleeves just for them to notice, they don't. Anyways thats not the point. A guy hollered at me from his roof. 

“Taking a relax break huh Violet?”

 “How do you  know my name?”

  “ Wow you really don't pay attention to people so the rumor is true”

“Do me a favor pretty boy dont look my way and don't talk to me I don't have time for people who dont understand.”

“But what if i told you i do understand”

“Then i would say: i dont freaking believe you and your liar.”

“ And you called me pretty boy?”

“Nice job ignoring what i just said, respect.”

“ You dont know me Violet” 

“Okay … right”

The arguing stopped so i threw my cigarette away and went inside without saying bye even though he said bye to me. I took a shower dried my curly red hair and went to bed. My alarm clock rang and it was about 1:30 pm I noticed i skipped most of school so i took my time put on  some baggy sweat pants and my dads hoodie and covered my hair that looked a mess. I went to school on my skateboard even though it was raining and scanned my I.D. by the front desk grabbed my books and walked into history class and sure enough i saw him he looked at me along with everyone else. 

“Look what the storm blew in.” a stuck up girl name Amanda commented   Everyone laughed except for John. I swear i really wanted to punch her in the face but i was already in trouble with the principle for spray painting a rocket ship you can say on the side of the school building along with the word “School sucks and so does people along with life.” My motto. In the middle of history i looked around the room and something caught my eye. John's arms his sweater sleeves went up a little without him noticing and i saw them. I counted them to in my head “one” “two.” “three.” “four.”that was just the beginning of his wrists. After school i walked home with my skateboard in my book bag. and climbed to johns roof so he can see me when he got home. He was walking down the block and before he could say anything i started speaking

“you're right i don't know you” he climbed up to the roof and sat beside me 

“See this.” he pulled up his sleeves and scares covered his arms there was not one spot where his skin was clean it was covered from his shoulders all the way to his wrists.

“These are my secrets” I pulled my sleeves up and showed him mine “these are mine”

John took my wrists and kiss them “Now they're mine too” He took my hand and held it 

i didnt want to let go. then he spoke “I don't want you to get too attached to me violet im dangerous. 

“What do you mean?” he ignored my question and kissed me on my forehead i was concerned but i let it slide.

It started getting late so he watched me go across the street from where i lived. I went in and my dad was passed out on the couch smelling like he was drenched in alcohol i grabbed the bottles and i didn't even take a sip I just cleaned it up. From there on out things started changing about me for once i felt like everything was going to be okay shocker right?