the sound of justice

chapter 4

Maybe i deserve it,maybe i deserve this kind of life, i'm just tired of losing someone i love, it like a candle has gone out and it hurts, i'm trying to ignore the fact that from now when i wake up there will be no leo , it will be just me and our dog Loki.

It been 2 days since leo's death and the fenural is today, i was supposed to give a speech in his honor but i don't want to say anything or most specifically i don't want to breakdown in front of everyone.
A knock on the door was followed by katie's voice "Ravi, are you awake?", She opens the door with a black suit in her hand, she knew i hated wearing dresses, she puts it at the edge of the bed and sit in front of me.
"You really need to give that speech, not me, not someone in our team, it's you, you were his everything....he loved you raven"
"I know katie i know,i'm doing the best i can"i said while fidgeting with the necklace aroud my neck.
"Cut the bullshit and go take a shower and be ready in 30 minutes"she drags me out of the bed and gave me a towel, "do it with for him"she kisses me and went downstairs.

I felt a little relaxed when the warmth of the water starts running through my body, all i can think of how the hell am i gonna tell people all our memories together.
I never though the day where i lose my ride and die would come,we had so much things to do this summer, so much cases to work on together, but all of that became dust when i got angrier that day and my selfishness took over, he's dead because of me and no one can take it out of my mind,i'll take that blame with me till my last breath.

Katie and mattew were waiting for me at the front door with a look of pity and i hated it."give me that look again and i will slit your throat while you're asleep" i said looking at both of them.
The ride was silent until we arrived to the cemetary." I know it'll be hard for you but we are here for you"Mattew said.

It's time for me to turn off my emotions.

After all the hugging and meetings with some co-workers it was time for me to stand on the stage, i took the mic and hold it tight in my hand.
"So a lot of you may not know that, but me and leo were inseparable since the age of 17, i remember our first conversation how it went like it was yesterday, i was alone walking in a street and a drunk guy was following me, wanting to get into my pants but luckily Leo was there and he punched the guy and broke his nose, then he took my hand and started running , we hide behind a bush so the guy wouldn't find us, i said thanks but when i was about to leave he grabbed my hand and said « i prefer you giving me a head than thanking me it would be better » i slapped him so hard that he fell on the ground and then i found out we had the same history class and we became enemies", i laughed and try to hold myself not to cry ,"he said that i was the first girl who rejected him, at that moment he knew that i would be the girl he wants in his life "i continued, "losing him left a big hole in my heart but he always wanted me to live my life to the fullest so DEAR LEO,every moment and every laugh that will happen in my life will be dedicated for you buddy ....i love you".
Katie came hugging me tightly and said "we all are so proud of you Ravi", thanks was all i said before taking the car's keys from Mattew and drove to the nearest bar i could find, a little drink is all i need right now.
After 3 drinks, i decided i should go the cave,it's a house in the mountains,me and Leo  bought it 2 years ago, it really calm in there. I called the chief and warned him that i would be off work this week, he didn't protest witch was a little weird but i don't care i just need to rest for now.
Everything was packed and put in the car,Fast car by Tracy Chapman was playing on the radio, it was one of my favorite songs , me and leo's actually.
The road was silent and not a lot of cars were driving by, and after 3 hours i was finally at the cave.
I opened the front door and put my suitcases, i take a look at the house and it exactly how we left it at thanksgiving, i went to leo's room and put some of his shorts on and went to the balcony and light a joint, i grew up in a shitty neighborhood so drugs is not something unfamiliar to me. it was a full Moon night and the sky was clear.

I was thinking of one thing.

When i'll come back to work, the bastard behind leo and my siblings death will suffer and will beg for mercy,and i will never stop till he pays for my pain.