A Million Memories

Chapter 1

Caroline came down the back stairs, and rushed out into the pub looking around frantically for John. She realized fairly quickly that he had already left. She sighed deeply, and walked over to Marlena, who was standing at the bar, "John left Brady's Mr. Huggie Bear behind..." she said, as she held a stuffed teddy bear, in a red sweater, to her chest.

"Oh," was all Marlena could muster, as her heart raced to keep up with her tormented mind. John was leaving her, leaving Salem, and it was breaking her heart. She was torn between her love for John, and her love for Roman, but if she was honest with herself, which lately she rarely was...she knew it was different. Her love for Roman was a softer, more caring love. She loved him as the father of her children, she loved him as a...friend, but being in love with Roman? That was before Stefano took him away, before he 'died'.

Loving John had changed her forever, and it was also tearing her apart. Her heart was breaking piece by piece. Every glance, every longing look, slight touches, or comments...they were all slowly, but irrevocably breaking her heart. Loving John was a passionate, wild, storm, and after that...there could be no one else. Ever. So while she went through the motions in her marriage to Roman, she said all the right things, and behaved the way she thought she was expected to...she was slipping further, and further into a dark and lonely place. Marlena was scared about what would happen if she passed through the other side.

As she stood lost in thought, staring toward the pub door, Caroline studied her. Really studied her. Marlena rarely smiled, and laughter was all but forgotten. Eric and Sami had chosen to stay in Colorado, rather than live with a mother who was almost a stranger, and a newly returned father who was a complete stranger. Losing John had broken the twins as clearly as it was slowly breaking her. Marlena reached out to take the bear from Caroline, running her fingers over the soft fur of its face, and said, on impulse, "I'll drive it over to the loft."

"I thought you were having dinner with Roman?" Caroline asked her as she looked around the pub, only then noticing Roman's absence. "Wait, where did Roman go?"

"He was called to the station," Marlena responded vaguely. Caroline noted Marlena's distraction again, but Marlena had been distracted a lot lately...and very sad, so very sad. Caroline had tried to talk to Shawn about it, but he seemed to think there was no problem. To Shawn, life was simple, Roman was home, Marlena was with him, and John had Isabella...until he didn't. But Caroline knew there was more, much more.

Roman and Shawn often had a very simplistic way of looking at life, failing to note the nuances of the emotions in the people, and the world, around them. They were both very concrete thinkers. Caroline wasn't oblivious to the way John stared at Marlena when she walked into a room. Even if his back was turned, and Marlena entered a space, he would immediately stiffen, and turn to find her with his eyes. He couldn't even see her, and he would somehow know. He felt her. Caroline also saw the way Marlena would watch John with her eyes whenever he was nearby. Sometimes it was almost painful to watch the way they gravitated towards each other, and then forced themselves to maintain a socially acceptable amount of distance. Their occasional touches would read as friendly to most, but their eyes said much more. Marlena's eyes were the most expressive. Her eyes told the whole story...if one cared to look close enough to read it.

This evening, when John said he was leaving Salem, Caroline noticed he was actually looking at, and speaking directly too, Marlena when he said it. Shawn was too flustered by the idea of John potentially leaving Salem to notice, and Roman was watching for Marlena's reaction to the news. Neither one seemed to notice the byplay between the man, and woman in front of them. And when Marlena asked John, "Are you sure you have to do this?" John looked her right in the eyes, and said cryptically, "It's the only way out for me..." In that moment, Caroline knew, without a doubt, John was leaving because of Marlena, and Marlena knew it, too. Something more was definitely going on, and all Caroline could do was pray that the people she loved could navigate their way through this with as little hurt as possible.