My heart is at it again, it never got stable since we came back. Nilagpag ko sa aking study table ang sumbrero na aking suot at isinandal ang aking kamay doon para humingi ng suporta. Hanggang ngayon parang wala pa rin sa tamang pag-iisip ang aking katawan at wala pa sa sarili nitong lakas.
What's happening? Is he really thinking of marrying me? Did it crossed his mind? Kasi ako, oo. It is in my imagination, I imagined him standing on the side of the altar once because I thought everything was going smoothly and that nothing seems to go against it. I was still young but I can't help but to find myself smiling sometimes imagining that we'll actually end up with each other. Even if I'll for ten years, twenty years.
He wasn't my ideal but I found myself loving him like how I love myself, like how I love every person to obey God's order.
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at kinalma ang aking sarili. I secretly watched him through the window as he started the engine of his motor, ready to leave. Medyo nakaramdam ako ng lungkot dahil uuwi na siya. Sana ay nag-usap pa kami tungkol doon nang magkaintindihan kami.
And I don't want that we'll both reach the point that circumstances will make us lose our faith. Kaya gusto ko si Yandiel, I could say that he is more faithful to God, his dependence on God is so palpable. Having a man who has more faith than me is what I really want. Because if we do everything with love and faith, we will not get tired.
"Ate Deborah..."
Napakurap ako at nilingon ang pinto kung saan nakatayo si Shemie. Muli akong tumingin sa bintana ko ngunit wala na doon si Yandiel at mukhang nakaalis na. Bumagsak ang aking balikat.
"Ate, pwedeng paturo na magluto ng paksiw, hindi ko na po kasi alam kung ano yung susunod na gagawin."
Binalik ko ang atensyon kay Shemie at malungkot na ngumiti. "Ere naman. Saan ba si kuya at ikaw ang nagluluto?"
"Nagsasalang po siya ng kanin doon sa lutuan na kahoy sa labas."
Ako na ang nagtuloy doon sa paksiw habang tinuturuan si Shemie. She loves cooking and she said she wants to learn a lot of dishes. Gusto niyang gawin ang maraming bagay at magaling pa siya sa lahat. It's amazing how kids these days are so clear about what they wanted to be in the future.
Hinayaan ko itong kumulo at natungo sa likod ng aming bahay kung nasaan si kuya Christian na nagpaparingas ng tubig. Pinaglalaruan nito ang kahoy na nasa apoy habang nakatulala doon sa bundok.
"Anyari? Mahirap ba sa training?"
He chuckled. "Wala naman nagbago, Bonak."
Napangiwi ako at umupo sa mahabang upuan sa gilid. His training must be tough, look at those bruises in his arms. Nakapag-tapos siya ng criminology nang hindi umuulit at hindi bumabagsak. And he passed the civil examination that's why he's training now in Baguio. He really wants to be a police.
"Ikaw, anong nangyari?"
Natigilan ako at napatingin kay kuya na nasa akin na ang atensyon ngayon. Napaawang ang aking bibig at hindi nakasagot, kung magsasalita ako ay baka iba pala ang sinasabi niya. Maybe he's sensing it, he's a criminology graduate. Makakagawa siya ng konklusyon sa mga inaakto namin.
"Nag-sorry sa akin yung bata kanina, nagso-sorry rin siya sa'yo. Anong nangyari?" He's talking about Yandiel. He calls him that way since he has a soft side for him. And my brother still considers that I'm quite older than Yandiel since I act as his older sister oftentimes.
Hindi ako nakasagot dahil doon. I thought it'll be hid longer until all things are settled.
"Nag-away ba kayo?"
BINABASA MO ANG
Covenant in the Wilderness
Spiritual2013, where about 55% of college students suffered injuries from hazing. For more than two months, Deborah Yuenne, an ordinary college student of education found herself watching out over this group that they called fraternity, where members share c...
