What If...

Advice 1:"It's your image in the end"

WHAT IF...

You heard rumours, that someone has been talking negative about you, and telling others fake information about you. To make it worse, you barely even talk to this person.

SCENARIO:

Bob goes round telling people that Mary is only using her boyfriend for money. Mary knows this is not true.

SOME PEOPLE TALK ABOUT YOU BECAUSE:

-they like you, (believe it or not)
-they hate you
-they heard the wrong information about you
-they think you are too prideful about something, or in other words 'you are all that'
-they think you talk too much, or are boastful
-they are trying to get your attention
-they feel superior
-they have insecurities and making judgement on someone else gives them temporary relief
-bordom
-they know something no one else knows

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

1) Confront this person. Go up to this person and ask him/her if you can talk. This person is most likely to ask 'what about.' Do not tell them what it's about or they will likely make up an excuse why not to talk to you. Instead, ask them straight up, "Do you think i...?" (in Mary's case, she should ask Bob, 'do you think i only use my boyfriend for money?') Such a question requests for a direct answer from someone, and because its just the two of you, he may not tell you to your face, instead he'll likely ask where you heard that from. Instead of telling him who told you, ask him, "you should know, because you where the one saying these things," or "will me telling you my sources change what you said? Or how you feel about me?" for a more direct approach. After talking, make sure to relay the main point of your confrontation, "i would really appreciate it if you stopped talking about me and spreading lies." then leave.

2)Ignore it all. This solution is for when you honestly dont care and you prefer to leave it all in the past. Be yourself so that others see how nice you really are and they are likely to side with you other than the lies that are not adding up. if this person realizes thats his goals are futile, he'll likely leave you alone. this process can take really long, but it is likely effective. Don't react to anything you hear, ignore like you haven't heard anything. Although, you need to learn to confront something when you are not comfortable. If its starts to get to you, you need to act.

3)Talk to this person on a friendly level. Try to show this person that you mean no harm and you are offering your sincere friendship if they are interested. Get to know each other better. sometimes people only act that way because they also just heard from someone else that you are not all good. Try to make them see the real you with the good intentions. Also try to understand their point of view and help correct them on their misunderstanding. This way, you stay in good terms with everyone, and the bad rumours will likely stop, because no sincere friend would like to spread bad rumours about you.

IT IS IMPORTANT:

*That you address the person. Sometimes its good to wait patiently and see whether these rumours will affect you in any way, but acting fast is also encouraged.

*That you address the person yourself, sending someone may not have the same effect, and you may be viewed as scared. It's you who has to defend you

*To make sure that in your first confrontation, you say clearly what you have a problem with and what you want to happen going forward. Beating around the bush lets this person lie and manipulate you.

*That you don't show hate back. it gives the person reason to keep going against you because he may also want to defend himself and show everyone how right he is.

*Not let it slide when it really hurts you. Because it is your image you're trying to protect, letting it slide can reduce your self-confidence, because you'll end up feeling helpless in the end.

And don't forget, sometimes your efforts will work, and other times they wont. Atleast you did something about it, It shows you care about your name, but you cant always change what people think of you and thats alright, just dont let it interfere with your life. Not everyones going to like you, and thats just a fact. Be grateful for the people that do, and thats what matters.

(Please feel free to ask for clarification and or advice. or you can give me points to include, or topics to tackle for my next article)