i am so unbelievably terrified.
i really didn't think i was going to fall.
and i'm mad about it.
this was supposed to be casual.
this was not supposed to end this way, and i'm scared.
apparently i can't do casual.
i wish that i was given some sort of notice
that i would end up waiting for the texts,
and having butterflies when the word "seen" comes up on the inbox
and the word "typing..." gives me the same feeling as a drug.
god
they should have a vaccine for this shit.
maybe i don't want to get my heart broken again
maybe,
i don't fucking want to stay up late overthinking
like i am now.
fuck this,
this is why i don't do this anymore
because inevitably i stare at myself in the mirror and worry
and cut
and worry
and cut
and i never worry or cut enough
and it's all pointless.
