My Italian Nightmare

Chapter 1: The First Concert

Saturday 11th September

Hanna and I sat, completely exhausted, down on the grass and sighed. I couldn't stop grinning and was still breathing heavily. Hanna stretched out her legs and smiled contented as I sighed again and looked for my pack of Marlboros.
"Can't believe it's over already", I said with a cigarette between my lips and lit it up.
"Yeah right, it felt like 30 minutes but at the same also like 3 hours?"
"Yes exactly."
I took a deep drag and exhaled the smoke. "Can't believe I touched him", I said and grinned again. I felt almost high on ecstasy when I thought back about it. Hanna nodded and laughed. "I thought that'd be your final straw honestly, you looked like you were gonna drop dead."
"I was close, okay?", I replied and jokingly rolled my eyes. "Could've happened very well."
"Well, Angelo couldn't have saved you, as he would've fell on the floor himself when your strong arms didn't support his butt anymore" I slapped Hanna's arm jokingly and took another drag from my cigarette. "I can't believe I touched him!", I repeated with my voice a little louder and higher than before. "Well I've got it all on camera so believe it."
"Let me see again please." Hanna gave me her phone and I looked at the video she recorded. I grinned and pointed at the screen.
"See, that's MY hands right there."
"Yes, I was there as well, you idiot."
"Listen, at all other time you have my undivided attention but you can't expect me to lay my eyes on anything other than him when we're at a fucking Mezzanotte concert."
"You gotta stop obsessing over him, like come on", Hanna said in mock concern and shook her head. I made an indignant noise and put out my cigarette on the floor.

My eyes wandered about the field. After a long festival day, the sun was setting in the west and created a beautiful golden light that shined over the open field of the festival grounds. Thousands of people were streaming out and in of the area, everyone looking exhausted but happy, with sweat stains on their clothes and dirt on their shoes. I loved the general atmosphere at festivals – those high spirits flying around everywhere. Loud voices and yelling but not in aggressive ways. People sharing booze and water bottles and the occasional cigarette. I stopped my mind from wandering further and turned my attention back to my friend, looking at her in a very serious way.

"I'm not obsessed with him. I just want him to make sweet love to me, and eventually marry me." Hanna snorted and I laughed. "All right Ari, can't wait to dance at your wedding."
"You'll see. You'll all see!", I shouted dramatically and waved my hands through the air.
"Stop with the FRIENDS references, you know I haven't watched the show."
"That's on you." I got into a half sitting, half-standing position. "Wanna check out the Merch area?"
"Sure", Hanna said and I helped her up.

While Hanna was already strutting forward I let myself fall a bit behind to suck up everything with my eyes, while walking past it. Hanna's shoulder-long hair moved up and down while she walked and with the light of the sunset it looked shining red, when it was actually more of a strawberry-blond pink colour. Hanna was a small girl with big brown eyes and a button nose, but despite looking so cute she was actually tough as hell.
I haven't known Hanna for long, less than a year, but she was a remarkable person and I was glad to have her in my life. We met over a shared interest online and I invited her to one of my house parties as a joke – she actually drove up all the way to Berlin from Austria to come. There was a lust of adventure in her that I shared but was sometimes too afraid to commit to. But now, we had spent a couple of amazing events together, including this rock festival in Austria. Not every one of my friends would have gone to a Mezzanotte concert with me voluntarily. Despite being 20 and definitely not a teenager anymore, I kind of had an unhealthy obsession with this band. It was an Italian rock band that had won a big European music competition this year and suddenly became very famous all over the world. I had never heard of them before either, until a couple friends talked about them and caught my attention. They were three guys and a girl in the age of 20 to 22, which was amazing on the one hand and scary on the other, because as though they were celebrities they were just about our age. I was very much a fan of the band not only because of their music but also because they had a special aesthetic, which catered a lot to young queer people like I was. Their style was a combination of glam rock mixed with a lot of leather and fetish gear, which was incredibly sexy. They were breaking fashion boundaries and gender stereotypes all while also looking extremely beautiful. It was hard not to fall in love with them.

"Ari, hurry up!", Hanna called and interrupted my stream of thoughts. I sighed and sped up my steps to catch up with her.

***

We were on our ride home, when I started talking about him again. Angelo Angelico. Frontman, singer, heartthrob, roman god. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life and whenever I was thinking about him, my whole body went all hot and jittery.
Hanna, whose eyes were fixed on the road showed no sign of annoyance. She was always supportive with all my ideas and behaviours, or at least tried to show compassion. I mean, I was getting annoyed with myself because of this, so she could very well already told me off. But she didn't, at least not in front of me yet.
"Ari, I just think you should make up your mind, like properly."
"What do you mean, properly?", I replied and put a lot of emphasis into the last word.
"I mean", she said and turned the radio volume down, that you should either get over this crush or get him."
"Yeah sure, not like I've been trying." I rolled my eyes and grinned slightly.
"You're really dumber than you look like sometimes", Hanna said and I gasped. She grinned.
"Sliding into his Instagram DMs or being front row at the concert is not 'trying to get him'. If you really want him, I want you to literally throw yourself at him."
"Oh yeah that's not pathetic at all."
Hanna looked at me for a second and I crossed my arms in front of my chest in resignation.
She was right. I was talking about how I had the hots for Angelo for months now and did nothing to get his attention when I was at the concert. Well I looked pretty good but how is he supposed to notice me when I'm surrounded by 10000 other people.
"So you're saying... I should actually shoot my shot."
"Uh, yeah, like I said. I'll do everything I can to help you as long as this stupid simping has an end."
"But it's not the 70s anymore – I doubt that I can just groupie my way into the backstage. It's just a stupid fantasy, you will just have to live with my simping until I lose interest."
Hanna shook her head. "Are you saying you wouldn't be able to get him?", she asked and raised a brow, provocatively.
"No I mean if he wasn't famous..."
"No, that's a stupid excuse. I bet you just don't want to put yourself out there because you fear his rejection."
I rolled my eyes and ruffled through my hair agitatedly. Of course I would fear his rejection – he was a rock god and I was just a normal fashion student. A pretty one, admittedly, but I didn't even have a large social media following or any other accomplishments to show off. But I didn't want to admit that to Hanna so I crossed my arms over my chest and said: "Okay, let's bet. Fifty euros for me when I can get his attention. Fifty for you if I don't manage it."
Hanna laughed and shot me a look. "Get his attention? No sweetie, you're only getting the coins if you at least flirt with him. Fuck this, I'll give you a hundred if you actually hook up."
Now it was my turn to laugh. "You won the lottery or something?"
"No, but that is totally worth it. Besides...won't happen anyways." She poked her tongue out and I frowned.
"Oh you'll see, and if it takes 5 years, I will win this bet."
"Right, you will", Hanna said, still laughing. "So how about we make a plan for the next concert? I have no interest in listening to your whining of the next five years. Better get this over with as fast as possible.
I clicked my tongue and grinned. "Right. So how do I do it?"