ImmediatelyWriting's One Shots

#61. Banana Fish - AshEiji) I'll Be Waiting To Feel Your Cold On My Skin

Summary: After Ash passes, the waiting begins; Eiji awaits the grief that's yet to come. He awaits the never-ending sadness of losing a loved one.
More than that, he longs for anything that would make him feel less empty again. Something like the moment that he'd be able to feel Ash's cold and ghostly touch embrace him, finally.

Fandom: Banana Fish
Ship: Ash/Eiji
Genre: Angst, Post-Canon, Major Character Death

Vent about my granddad passing away on February 4th 2022.

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Authorsnote: 

Hey There...

So, as you can imagine from the summary, this isn't going to be a happy-go-lucky story. And trust me, it wasn't easy for me to write - more on that and why I've been pretty inactive lately in the end note. But I wanted to write this. If anything, I felt like I NEEDED to write this.

I know, I've been someone to "fix" the Banana Fish ending- and I will keep doing that because honestly it is bullshit how much this broke my heart. BUT I also feel that, as a true fan, I should acknowledge the true ending and write something that connects to that. So, here's my take on "the week after the ending of Banana Fish from Eiji's POV".

The trigger warnings are obvious, I think, and considering you clicked on this, you probably can handle a fair amount of angst, but I will repeat them nevertheless: this is about death and grief, if you are badly affected by this, please do not read this and put your mental health before fanfiction!

I hope you like it! Or well, maybe a better wording in this case is; I hope it helps you cope with the grief of the BF ending a tad bit better ^^

~ Noa

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There's this feeling no one can quite describe.

It's like a rush of adrenaline, mixed it with a pang of sadness. A devouring emptiness that spreads through your body. A hunger, for something that you cannot have anymore, and you know that you won't be able to satisfy your craving, but also hasn't quite sunken in yet.

That's how Eiji feels when the words reached him for the first time.

He'd been prepared to hear them. And sure, he'd tried imagining what it'd be like to be devoured by the sadness of losing something precious. Of not even having said proper goodbyes.

He'd imagined losing Ash-

But never had he expected it to feel as terrible as it did right now.

It wasn't even that the sadness was overwhelming. It was rather that he was well aware, he hadn't cried yet. He hadn't felt sad a single second, because this overwhelming numbness had taken over. Like a never-ending darkness had casted over him the second he'd heard Max's voice say the words Eiji had been dreading to hear since he'd stepped on his flight back to Japan.

Ash wouldn't be coming with him. But he hadn't remained in America either.

He'd be going elsewhere. Somewhere Eiji wouldn't be able to follow him. Hear him call out his name with his American accent. Touch him. Hug him. Worry about him.

It's a heavy feeling. But it's not sadness.

~

Eiji wasn't really able to get up much. Sure, he forced himself to sit upright and pulled himself through hours and hours of phone calls with Jessica, Max, Sing and the rest of the gang. Making invitations and creating a life story that Max promised he'd read at the small-time funeral. Picking out flowers and a suit and tie for Ash to wear when he was send to whatever afterlife would be waiting for him later that week. It all had to be decided in less than a week. The news was still so new, that Eiji barely even registered what they were planning.