Arranged To Be|18+✔️(editing)

42'

I was so busy working on my designs that I hadn't noticed I had spent the whole night at the workshop. The fashion show was Monday and I only had one design finished and three to go. I realized I would have to spend the rest of the day here as well. So, I sent Czar a message letting him know I wouldn't be home until later.

While I was working on the designs I could only think about what Czar had said to me. How he told me that I had the option to get a divorce and leave him for good. I knew that this was going to be a tough choice to make but I had to be realistic. Czar and I come from two different worlds. I'm not built for his lifestyle and he isn't built for mine, we'd never work...and I don't think I want us to. I don't want to live my life in constant fear of what's going to happen to me. I don't want to have to know that my husband is a murderer or that he does illegal things. I don't want to be a part of his twisted family. I don't want any of it. So, there was only one option for me.

After the fashion show I would tell Czar that I no longer wish to be married to him. I will leave...move far away from here and hope that with time I can forget about him and learn to live without him.  I had to be selfish for myself, and I hope Czar could understand that, I hope he wouldn't hold it against me. I just feel so terrible knowing that I came into his life and made a complete mess of it and now I was leaving him.

I swiped away at my tears, now wasn't the time to cry. I had to be strong for myself.

Come one Zariah you're getting everything you've ever wanted Your career is going to take off.

But

It was only taking off because of Czar, and because he believed in me. I wanted to scream and cry but I didn't. Instead I sucked it up and continued to work on the designs, pushing all of my thoughts to the back of my mind.

~*~

By the time I had finished my third design it was 10 at night. I decided to call it a day and to leave the workshop. I sent Czar a text letting him know I would be coming home soon. Suddenly, I had the strong urge to get Chinese take out so that's exactly what I did before I went home.

When I walked in the front door I was surprised to find Czar sitting on the couch, he had a blanket wrapped around him and he was fast asleep. I quietly shut the door behind me and tried to tip toe to the kitchen but of course he woke up.

"Did you finish your deigns?" He asked.

"I have one more to finish tomorrow, the rest are done." I said as I place the take out on the coffee table.

"You stopped to get food?" He asked as he sat up.

"Yeah, I kinda got hungry out of nowhere. Would you like some?"

"No, I think I'm going to head up to bed." 

He stood up and stared at me for a bit before walking towards the stairs.

"Czar?" I called

He turned to look back at me.

"Did you mean what you said?" I asked.

"What did I say exactly?"

"That...that you cared about me?"

He looked down and then looked back up at me. "I care about you more than anything in this world."

My heart fluttered and then I slowly sat down on the couch. "Okay."

I could hear him go slowly up the steps and I waited until I couldn't hear him anymore. I laid down on the couch and began to cry silently. I was so conflicted at the moment.

Part of me, wanted to leave this place and never ever come back and the other part wanted to stay and be with Czar forever. I closed my eyes and squeezed out some tears as I covered my mouth to muffle my cries. I would have never thought that I would be in this situation, when I first met Czar I was sure I was going to hate him and never feel any type of emotion for him.

And here I was crying like a baby over him. I felt sick to my stomach, I never hated myself more than I did in this moment, because I knew no matter how many tears I cried or how many times Czar told me he cared about me I wasn't going to stay. I just couldn't.

~*~

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