Arranged To Be|18+✔️

42'

I was so busy working on my designs that I hadn't noticed I had spent the entire night at the workshop. The fashion show was Monday and I only had one design finished, three to go. Realizing I'd have to spend the rest of the day here too, I pulled out my phone and sent Czar a message letting him know I wouldn't be home until later.

While I worked, I couldn't stop thinking about what Czar had said. How he told me I had the option to get a divorce, to leave him for good. I knew it would be a tough choice, but I had to be realistic. Czar and I came from two different worlds. I wasn't built for his lifestyle and he wasn't built for mine. We'd never work. And, deep down, I didn't think I wanted us to.

I didn't want to live my life in fear. I didn't want to constantly look over my shoulder or worry that my husband was out killing someone. I didn't want to be involved in anything illegal or dark. I didn't want to be tied to his twisted family. I didn't want any of it. So, there was only one option.

After the fashion show, I would tell Czar that I no longer wished to be married to him. I would leave, move far away, and pray that with enough time, I could forget him and find a way to live without him. I had to be selfish for once. I just hoped Czar could understand, that he wouldn't hold it against me. But it didn't change the fact that I felt terrible. Like I came into his life, turned it upside down, and now I was walking away from the mess I made.

I wiped at my tears. Now wasn't the time to cry. I had to be strong.

Come on, Zariah. You're finally getting everything you've ever wanted. Your career is about to take off.

But it was only taking off because of Czar, because he believed in me. I wanted to scream, to cry, but I didn't. I bit it back and poured myself into the designs, shoving every thought of him aside.

*

By the time I finished my third design, it was 10 at night. I decided to call it a day and head home. I texted Czar that I was on my way, then made a detour for Chinese takeout.

When I walked in through the front door, I found Czar asleep on the couch, a blanket wrapped around him. I tried to quietly close the door and tiptoe toward the kitchen, but of course, he stirred.

"Did you finish your designs?" he asked, voice low and groggy.

"I have one more to go. The rest are done," I replied, placing the takeout on the coffee table.

"You stopped to get food?"

"Yeah. I got hungry. Want some?"

He shook his head and sat up. "No, I think I'm going to head up to bed."

He stood and stared at me for a moment before turning toward the stairs.

"Czar?" I called after him.

He paused and looked back.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"What did I say exactly?"

"That... that you cared about me?"

He looked down for a second, then met my gaze. "I care about you more than anything in this world."

My heart fluttered.

I slowly sat down on the couch. "Okay."

I heard him go up the stairs. I waited until the sound of his footsteps disappeared. Then I lay down on the couch and cried silently. I was so conflicted.

Part of me wanted to leave and never come back. The other part wanted to stay with Czar forever. I covered my mouth to muffle the sobs, the tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.

When I first met Czar, I was sure I'd hate him. I never thought I'd feel anything for him. But now? Now I was sobbing like a child over him.

I hated myself for it. Because I knew—no matter how many tears I shed or how many times Czar told me he cared—I wasn't going to stay.

I just couldn't.

~*~

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